WIP: Treatment for When Atlantis Fell

So I have completed the pilot episode for the four season serial. This is an epic, sci-fi/fantasy ensemble covering the destruction of Atlantis during the last Ice Age. It is based on a trilogy that I am currently writing and the rewrite of Wall of Destruction.

Now I am working on the treatment I believe that Hollywood would eventually ask for. For season one I will cover half of book one of the trilogy (which I have already written). Here is the synopsis followed by the episode summaries.

What do you think of the story?

Log Line: Flying craft, energy weapons, sword and shield are used in an Ice Age global war. The destruction of Atlantis is told from the perspectives of those crossing paths with one Atlantean officer, who causes the fall of civilization to stop those who would enslave the world.


A global war between the empires of Atlantis and Rama, ravage the Ice Age world. Their civilizations fueled by Aether, a power source channeled through crystals that act as batteries. Aether allows them conveniences similar to our modern society. Both have more primitive allies who have superhuman heroes that have been blessed by the Gods. For Atlantis, there is also a political rivalry for the Emperor’s ear between the Atlantis first party, Shigar, and the peace party, Nelos.

In season one, RISOR, the commander of a squadron of Atlantis’ flying machines called vailixi, fights his nation’s enemy and his political enemy, JANA, a Shigar member and rival squadron commander. Atlantis turns to powerful Aether weapons, like our nuclear weapons. This starts a tit-for-tat destruction against each empire’s cities that culminates in Rama recognizing they will lose. In a desperate gamble, Rama decides to flood the coastlines by releasing the built up waters of the northern ice pack. INDRAJIT, a hero of Rama, leads a strike on the ice barriers causing flooding that forces the abandonment of many coastal cities including Atlantis. In eastern Europe, ROGAT, friend of Risor and an infantryman, survives the resulting floods but is forced to lead the surviving Atlantean peoples of Eastern Europe to safety while Greek hero, DEMETRI, chases them in the hopes of destroying the last remnants of Atlantis, in the region. Meanwhile, Atlantis realizes that Rama caused this destruction and wants revenge. They recall all forces to the new Atlantis site to lead a massive strike against the remnants of Rama. The remote colonies, trying to recover, realize this would strip them of protections at their most vulnerable and refuse. In Altai, Risor has a successful coup against the military commander as Altai plans for its freedom. In the east, Atlantis sends a force to Moia to force the local military to comply. SHANDAR, a fellow squadron commander in Asia, leads a force that destroys the Atlantean force and forces Utanor and Moia to be independent.


Season 1 Episode Summaries

S1E1: Indrajit goes to the northern ice pack and captures an Atlantean research team. In Atlanta Nado or Eastern Europe, Demetri’s men ambush an enemy force. In Altai, or along the Mississippi River, Risor meets his friends for dinner before they go back to their respective assignments. He meets Rogat there. In Atlantis, Lena says good bye to her lover, Tilor, as his leave ends and he returns to his base. Rogat returns to his base and is promoted to troop leader because of an ambush that killed the previous leader when Rogat was on vacation.

S1E2: Demetri is in the capital of the Tugar, discussing an upcoming attack on Dedeni. Rogat’s troops were left behind to garrison Dedeni when the larger Atlantean force attacks the nearby Tugar town of Bicas. Rogat feels like something bad will happen. Lady Jana comes to Risor’s base and tells him, his squadron would assist in an attack on Rama. He argues about the consequences of the attack but eventually bows to her demands. The attack proceeds successfully destroying the targeted city. Meanwhile, Shandar Kotan leads an attack against the Hu city of Magno to disrupt the allies of Rama at the same time. Demetri launches an attack against Dedeni and overruns the base. They trap Rogat and a few survivors in an underground bunker. Demetri and Rogat meet to talk surrender but Rogat refuses. A relief force of Atlanteans arrives in time to stop the assault on Rogat but are beaten back with heavy loses. Demetri departs giving Atlantis a major defeat.

S1E3: After the strikes in the last episode, Risor is being asked to explain his actions. After the unexplained loss of power, he returned to base. He believes this inquiry is part of Lady Jana’s revenge for questioning her about the logic of the strikes. His squadron joins a multi squadron strike but he is not to command it as is his normal right. Another rival, Jamal, leads the strike. The strike goes all wrong and they barely escape with few survivors. They return to base to find out that Rama has struck their base and colony with WMDs of their own. They try to help survivors but need help. Shandar’s squadron is sent to assist Risor with the rescue. Indrajit returns home to find out that Rama and Atlantis are now regularly destroying each other’s cities and that his mother was killed in such a strike. He discusses what the Atlanteans were looking for on the ice pack.

S1E4: Risor leaves Vortia and returns to Atlantis to face an inquiry into his behavior. He ordered the retreat and Shigar enemies are trying to frame him as a coward and derelict in his duties. He is ordered home during further investigation. Lady Jana confronts him and openly declares her hatred for him. Tilor sees him off when an attack on Atlantis occurs. While unsuccessful it was close, this drives Tilor to seek safety for Lena. Lena and Tilor spend their last night together in Atlantis. Rogat’s company was sent to another area along the Tes Naldo or today, the Black Sea. He meets Yalana who he promptly falls for.

S1E5: Tilor and Lena arrive at the north African coast village of Dumon tu Mare. One of the other members of Tilor’s squadron has family here and Lena will stay with them. Tilor and Lena say their good byes and Tilor leaves. Shandar is home after seeing the horrors of the strike on Vortia, he talks to his father and then the colony’s Council of Elders. Back near Tes Naldo, Rogat beats off an attack by Tugar and their allies. Risor is home when word arrives that he is cleared of charges and that he can return to duty. Up north, a Rama vimana flying craft force heads over the ice cap, they use their brahmastra weapons of mass destruction to destroy the ice barriers holding the large bodies of water in the ice pack. It comes crashing out.

S1E6: The citizens of Alta are woken to an alarm to evacuate to the hills. Risor and his family flee and barely make safety ahead of the flood. Many citizens are washed away as the city is swallowed in the flood. In Atlanta Nado, a tsunami is reported heading for Rogat’s fort. They start to flee. Back in Alta, vailixi survey the flood as it empties in to the Gulf. They find few survivors. Rogat and some of his people make it to safety as the waters start rising against the hills. Demetri witnesses the destruction of the city of Delin, down the coast from Rogat’s fort, and the death of most of its people. They stay for hours after the waters recede and witness no rescue attempt. Demetri surmises that Atlantis is also affected and in dire straits.

S1E7: A news report and fly over of the swamped city of Atlantis and one or two small colonies starts the episode. Risor’s vailixi flies over the swollen river back to Sun’s Farewell bluff, where command tents were set up. Inside, the Council of Altai was getting a report from Tolen, the city’s head scientist or shilot, about the floods. Reports are flooding in about Atlantis and other colonies being hit. In Utanor, near Japan, Shandar hears of the destruction of Atlantis and the call for the colonies military to strike Rama. Shandar and the council agree not to send any forces because they are needed to help defend the colonies of Utanor and Moia. They prepare their defenses. Lena and the villagers see the waters rising and know of the fate of many colonies. She is worried about Tilor.

S1E8: Risor wakes up to a sprawling tent camp of refugees, he heads back to the command center on the bluff. There he finds out the order that Atlantis has given. There is a debate on response with the overall military commander trying to organize a force to go to Atlantis while the Council wishes the forces to stay there. Risor prepares to use his squadron against the land forces if that is necessary. Fordo, the military commander, confronts the Council and Risor to obey the summons from Atlantis at gunpoint. Risor has his squadron show up over head and Fordo’s men surrender. Risor is promoted as the overall commander.

S1E9: The council in Altai discuss leaving the Atlantean Empire. They discuss what to do with Fordo and the men that backed him. They decide the best thing to do is send Fordo on a peace mission to the local tribes to see how they are doing. Sending him and his men will get them out of the way and give him a chance to show he can be trusted. Meanwhile, Atlantis has sent a force to Moia, the other Asian colony to gather the colony’s forces to go with them. Word gets to Utanor and Shandar mobilizes a force to go save Moia and his beloved.

S1E10: Shandar has his squadron speeding to Moia to free them from Atlantis. His girlfriend commands the squadron stationed at Moia. Her squadron is detained in their barracks. She was able to escape and contact Shandar from the nearby temple. Shandar attacks the Atlantean vailixi and their men on the ground. Shandar leads a small force to free Jolna in the priests quarters. They succeed and then head to the central council chambers. There Jolna realizes the Atlanteans tortured her father and she kills the leader before Shandar can stop her.

End of Season 1


What’s Next?

Well the query letter for Wall of Destruction is off to Hollywood. I have so far received 12 “Thank you but no thank you” responses, 1 “Sorry we do not accept Email submissions anymore” and 2 out of office replies.  Many “good luck” wishes and no negative responses. Which I am very happy with.

Reading some of the blogs and such, on the Internet, I was assuming some less than civil responses might be part of the deal. Happy to report that is not the case so far.

I believe I will give the query letters some time to garner interest and will leave the When Atlantis Fell universe for another universe. If there is any interest for Wall of Destruction or the outlines of the other stories around the destruction of Atlantis, then I will continue writing about it. If not, I will try another universe to see if that is more popular.

So I plan on further developing the story of Jana, in the Worm Hole Earth universe. I would like to try and make Jana’s story (a futuristic conspiracy thriller) a complete novel, if possible.  As told in a short story I had wrote, First Contact, Jana is a scientist on a team that discovers a pre-space age race.

My draft log line:

In the distant future, we are not alone but the government tries to cover up the discovery by manipulating the memories of those involved. Jana, a member of that team, is desperate to make sense of those jumbled memories. Something the government can not allow.

New story: The Truth Behind the Memories


I am writing another story centered around Jana Stoddert. Since I wrote the first short on her view of the “Fiery Sun” incident. This one will be longer, maybe even make it a novella. Who knows. Already at 4500 words and just getting started.  Hope you like, please comment if you care.

The Dream

 Jana woke up in a sweat. Luckily, she lived alone because she would probably have scared the hell out of her partner, with her yell. “Lights” she said to the house computer “Harvey”.

“Are you okay Jana?” Havey asked her. She liked this newer version of the house computer. They built in more empathy and emotions. Not crazy ones, but enough that it gave comfort when she really felt alone. She was not really into the “master” or “ma’am” naming. Too cold.

Like now. “Yes, Harvey, Thank you. Could I get a coffee and toast, please.” Looking at the clock, it was 5am standard Universal. All planets in the Empire sync up to standard Universal, like the old earth Greenwich Mean Time. Even the Union of Eta Leporis used it.

“Would you like an egg with that?” it asked. As Harvey turned on a soft instrumental mode music. Of course, he was monitoring her vitals and knew what she liked when this condition hit her.

“No just toast. Oh, butter it please.” she said as she stretched and got out of bed. She was starting to feel better, the adrenaline from the moment was passing and she needed a shower.

The same dream was plaguing her again. Again, finding the aliens on Gliese 710 and seeing them. Then seeing the Imperial fleet come into orbit above the planet and fire kinetics down at the alien towns. They were not a space faring race, these aliens. She wanted to call them Targs. Not really sure why, just that she felt that matched them.

They were squat, powerfully built beings with huge compound eyes like a fly. Instead of arms and hands, they had many tentacles with two pronged “fingers”. They did walk on four squat legs and had two mouth like orifices.

Beside their slightly intimidating looks, they were very peaceful. None, that she saw, walked around in what she would consider armor. Not that she is an expert in military matters but she would figure something that looked like what a Knight would be from the histories or an armored warrior, like the Imperial Marines or Army.

“Wake up setting” she said as she entered the bathroom. The shower started with a fine warm mist. She took off her PJs and looked in the mirror. She was 129, still young and kept in good shape with regular obstacle course jogging and pole fighting. She admired her curves, she was an average 6.3 feet tall and weighed 183 pounds. “Not bad at all.” she thought.

Once in the shower, the warm mist turned to alternating blasts of cold and hot water, for a minute. Then back to the mist while she lathered up. She enjoyed her showers, always had. Especially where she can program the shower, like at home. Some of the lodging she stayed at, had older systems that would either not let you download your profile or didn’t have all the options she liked to use. She was not fanatical about showers, who had to program her settings no matter what.

Her last boyfriend was that way. Drove her crazy. John would have to stop and make everything just perfect. When they went to Parsin IV in the Union of Eta Leporis, the other human nation. They found a rustic village near the largest waterfall on a natural world. Rustic was the keyword there, no real modern conveniences. Even off MindNet, it was so far out. He just couldn’t cope with the lack of technology and she decided that was just too much for her.

She left him after two nights of him fighting with the kitchen utensils to make what he wanted. In fact, he still might be there. They never talked again after that. Not that she considered it a loss.

“Feeling better Jana?” Harvey asked as she came to the kitchen table and found her coffee and toast as she ordered.

“Yes Harvey, thank you. Please turn on the news.” She said. A virtual screen dropped down on the other side of the table and presented the local news. She could have read it off MindNet but then she would have to think about that and eat. She preferred eating and just letting the news flow by. If something really caught her attention, she would then concentrate on it or seek additional information off MindNet.

While she nibbled on her toast, she thought back to Gliese 710. Their explorer ship “Fiery Sun” exploded just as it got down to observation speed about a light month outside of the system. Bad luck that was. Almost a year invested by her team and many years before that by the Transit team. Luckily, her Guild did not try to blame the team. The telemetry from the sensors didn’t show much before the ship exploaded.

It was a possible habitable system. Many expected planets with a few in the Goldilocks zone. It could have made the Guild and her team a lot of money. Still felt wrong. Jana was not sure but something just felt wrong about how everything went down. That and these dreams about the aliens there. Just made her wonder.

Maybe she should go to a shrink, she thought. Not that she felt she is crazy but maybe they can help her get pass this feeling and help her move on. she was dreaming of these aliens and the ship’s explosion almost nightly and that was starting to scare her.

Of course losing an explorer ship happens. About 3 to 4 a year end up being destroyed by hitting something in transit. They fly between the stars at a third the speed of light and if they hit a big enough object the shields won’t be able to stop it. At a third the speed of light the ship can repel objects about a meter in size safely. At higher speeds, even this becomes impossible to do.

The “Fiery Sun” was the first in a long time that exploded in the system. In fact, the last one was about 40 years ago by another one of her Guild’s teams. That team was told they were not at fault either but they were all reposted to remote sensing stations. She had a friend on that team. Well, an acquaintance. They were a year apart in joining the Guild and talked a little back then. When she was reposted to a remote red dwarf, she never really communicated with her afterwards.

“I wonder what happened to her?”

“I am sorry Jana, could you please repeat your question.” Harvey requested.

“Oh nothing, Harvey, ignore it.” As she got up from the kitchen table.

“Thank you, that hit the spot.” The cleaning robot came out and took the dishes away. Cleaning nanites would scour the dishes clean and break down all the remains into particles that would eventually become a block of biodegradable mass. These would go to farm stations where other nanites would break these blocks down and make fertilizer out of them.

End Chapter one.

First Contact – A short story from Worm Hole Earth

So I have been enjoying the creation of my Sci-Fi universe, Worm Hole Earth. Still working on the “Bible” of the universe but started thinking of a short story and decided to put it together. It’s a little long to cut/paste into a post so here it is in PDF.  I might put together a bunch of these into an anthology about the universe.

Short – First Contact