Launch Pad Manuscript Competition.

So getting down to the wire for the final entry. Missed my deadline for the previous submission deadline because I was not happy with the synopsis. I feel better about this one and thought I would ask all for thoughts on how it sounds.

Some notes on the format.  First time a major character is mentioned, the name is all in caps,  JIM. Afterwards it would be normal, Jim.

Also this synopsis is to be one page only. Reluctantly, I have used exactly one page so adding more material is not possible unless I remove stuff.  I will include 48 other pages of passages from the book. The goal is to get them excited enough with the synopsis to read the rest of the submission.

The passages from the book are sequential but not a complete progression through the story. I decided to take passages that hopefully would show the action of the story.

Lastly, I do identify this as book one of a trilogy.  So hopefully that will help.

Thoughts?

 

Empires Fall Synopsis

For 30,000 years, Atlantis grew from small city to global empire. Poseidon blessed them with the secret of Aether, which powers their advanced technologies. First coming as friends and teachers, many considered them as gods. Soon they started to believe they were gods and friendship turned to lordship.

An alliance grew to stand against them, led by the Empire of Rama. The Gods of the alliance favored their followers with heroes of great might to combat the technologies of Atlantis.

For 10 years war has raged across the Ice Age world. In the last year, Atlantis turns to Aether weapons of immense destructiveness.

RISOR, a vailixi squadron commander, finds himself fighting the enemy and JANA, his political rival. Her animosity peaks as he questions the wisdom of her leading a WMD strike against the Rama Empire home cities. This led to the Rama Empire retaliating.

With cities being destroyed, Rama’s capacity for war diminishes. A last ditch effort by Rama sends, INDRAJIT, a hero of Rama, to the Arctic ice packs. His mission is to breach the ice walls, in the hope the flood waters would doom Atlantis.

Woken in the middle of the night, Risor and the citizens of Altai flee for their lives. The floods inundate the coastal areas of the world, ruining Atlantis and most of their colonies.

Atlantis demands a recall of most military forces to strike back. An act that would leave most colonies defenseless. Many colonies refuse the order and rebel. SHANDAR, another squadron commander, leads his people in open revolt against Atlantis. While Risor’s people decide to abandon their city and hide. In the end, they both realize they can not openly fight their former masters.

ROGAT, an infantry officer, takes charge of a group of survivors, abandoned by Atlantis and chased by the enemy. They are chased to a mountain stronghold, where they are trapped.

With the empire in chaos, LENA, the girlfriend of Risor’s lieutenant, has her colony attacked by Greek raiders. She is taken as a slave. After rebuffing the Greek leader many times, he gives her to a cruel ally. She is spared being raped or worse by an attacking Atlantean force.

Jana is sent to Altai and discovers that Risor’s people have fled. Her forces quickly find Risor and in the climatic battle, Risor’s people bring down her vailixi. She realizes it is him but is unable to do anything. His people escape and while Jana rages impotently, her master recalls her to Atlantis for a new operation.

Competition Time!

There are those that say, keep your projects (books, scripts, etc…) secret because you might fail. Then there are those that say announcing it will help push you to complete it because of the fear of failure.  I like the second way.

A writing competition is being sponsored by Launch Pad by the Tracking Board that is bringing together book and movie houses to review entries. Luckily, you do not need a complete novel to enter. Even more luckily for me, I have a pretty complete novel to enter.

So, I need to come up with a name for the trilogy, select 50 pages of text, from the novel, as the entry submission and put together a one page summary, novel and possibly trilogy. All before the 30th of June. Will find out if I was lucky by mid September.

So if you ever wanted to write a book or have one in the works or completed, check out the link. Wish me luck!

Short Story: At War with Ourselves

John sighed, That’s done, I am home now.  He opened the door and was about to call out to his wife and son, when two men grabbed him. They pulled him through the doorway and slammed him against the wall.

“Traitor!”  One of the assailants yelled into his face as he knocked the wind out of John.

The other assailant smashed his elbow into John’s jaw. John heard a loud popping sound and wondered if his jaw was broken. A salty taste flooded his mouth.

Not able to think about that taste too much because in came another punch to his stomach and an elbow to the shoulder. Driving him down to the floor. In the background, he heard his wife and son screaming and another person yelling at them.

They were kicking him, now that he was on the ground. He was doing all he could to block the kicks with his legs and arms. Punches pummeled his head. He wife and son continued to scream and the assailants continued to hurl abuse.

What seemed like a long time of beatings eventually stopped. Logically, John knew it was only a minute or two, since he still could reason, but it felt like a lifetime. He knew they could have beat him senseless. Silence as the assailants backed off. Even his family stopped yelling.

Only the sounds of boots on wooden floor, approaching, could be heard. John tested his jaw and found it still moved, at least they did not break his jaw.

“Ya fucked up this time, didn’t ya John?” Said a familiar voice but John couldn’t place it in his rattled state. He tried looking up but his head was still spinning.

“What did I do?” He choked out. Yes, a mouth full of blood and at least one tooth knocked out.

“Oh come now John, let’s not play this game.”

“Please, I don’t know what you think I did. I was out..”  He was kicked.

“John… John, that is enough. Lies will just make it worse. You were seen helping that downed pilot. That is treason to help them. You know the Party takes a dim view of this. Especially in light this pilot was part of the attack against the city.”

Fighting to calm himself. “Please, I was out looking for the pilot, like I was supposed to but I didn’t find anyone. I.. I… Please believe me.” He heard his wife start to sob. His son was moaning “No”.   He was starting to lose it too.

Sighing, the unrecognized man directed his men to lift John. He was almost beyond fight at this point.

“John this war is not going to be won by being nice to the other side. They choose this path. I believe you thought you were doing good but we can not allow these radicals leniency. They tried to steal the election last year and see what it got us?” They started to drag him out the door. The man continued. “Cooperate with us and I will try to put in a good word for your wife and son.”

His wife yelled. “How could you?”

John snapped at that moment, his sobbing stopped as the last strength came forth. The accusing tone of his wife drove him crazy.  He knew they would get the truth out of him but his family would never know it. The truth to his family is all that mattered.

Planting his feet, he pushed one handler into the door hard, forcing him to loosen his grip. Then he violently shook off the other man. Turning back into the house, he looked pass the man, who was going for his gun.

To his wife and son. “It was our daughter. My God, I couldn’t turn her in.”

From the web: The Mini Movie Method

Recently a friend gave me an idea about continuing my “When Atlantis Fell” stories while writing other stuff.  Sounds good 🙂   So sitting in front of my computer last night, I started to think what else could I do.

I will give the agent query letters process some more time to work but then I think I will also query producers/studios. Maybe next month, I will put it out to them.

Additionally, I think I will try my luck at ” Movie of the Week” TV movies. I love the Game of Thrones series and thought that might work. Since I have a two part story and some sub-plots I am interested in writing, I believe I have the material to intertwine the stories.

The Mini Movie Method, by J Gideon Sarantinos, on Gideon’s Screenwriting Tips, discusses how to break the script up into smaller 8-10 minute segments. If I read it right, the idea is to produce a self-contained scene in each segment. The key is to keep the viewer’s interest at the end of each sequence. Similar to a TV show that builds the action/anticipation, before each commercial break, to get the viewer to come back.

So I will try to make each segment a part of a different story. I have already outlined some of the subplot stories to progress through the time line of the main story. Will need to formulate the story to work in episodes.

Time to research more.

Wall of Destruction Movie Script: Contacting Hollywood

Well I did it. I have put out my query letters for Wall of Destruction to some Hollywood agents. I did a few manually, and then used Talent Mailer dot com (http://www.talentmailer.com/).  For $50 USD they offer a service to send your query letter to a list of agents they already have, approximately 400.

I checked around and it seemed no one was complaining about them. It took me approximately 4 hours of research this weekend to send out to 3 agents/agencies.  That was time reading up on the agency. I tried to see if they were interested in representing writers of my scripts genre as well as trying to find names to include on the mailings. This was based on freely available internet information.

Yes I could have paid for some of the services but then when I thought about Talent Mailer and it’s cost, I figured I would be better off using them.

So we will see what happens in the coming weeks or months.  For now, I guess i will start writing another story.

Here is a copy of the Query Letter I sent:

Dear XXXXXXXX

I would like to submit my feature length screenplay, WALL OF DESTRUCTION, for your consideration.

Genre: Epic Fantasy Adventure

Log Line: During the last ice age, a war between advanced civilizations, ravages the world. The survivors of a remote colony struggle to build a new life and escape the grasp of far away, war crazed Atlantis.

Set around 12,000 BCE, this story is told through the experiences of Lord Risor Tranor of Altai. He learns that not all of his enemies come across the battlefield. With the enemies last desperate gambit to forestall total defeat, the world is forever changed with floods that destroy cities, both friend and foe alike. Risor and the other survivors of Altai decide they have had enough of rule by Atlantis and decide to forge a new path. Atlantis is not ready to let them go.

I have published Wall of Destruction and completed the outlines of the final part and two sub-plot stories. These outlined stories all culminate in the final battle of book two.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Please let me know if you would like to read the full screenplay. I will send to you immediately.

Best Regards,

James Grimm

Wall of Destruction Movie Script: Draft of Query Letter

Hello,

I would like to ask your opinions of this as my query letter to Hollywood agents, managers and producers. Do you think it sounds interesting enough for you to ask for more information?  Please let me know.  Thank you.

Dear xxxx

I wish to submit my feature length epic adventure screenplay, Wall of Destruction, for your consideration. This screenplay is based on my novel, titled the same.

During the last ice age, a war between advanced civilizations, ravages the world. The survivors of a remote colony struggle to build a new life and escape the grasp of far away, war crazed Atlantis.

This screenplay is about the last days of the war between Atlantis and the Indian kingdom of Rama. Wall of Destruction is part one of a two part story about the downfall of the these pre-history civilizations. The downfall of Atlantis and the destruction of their world is seen through the experiences of Lord Risor Tranor of Altai.

Risor commands an Atlantean flying squadron and participates in the last battles of the war. He learns that not all of his enemies come from the Raman Empire. Risor is part of the Nalos party, which wishes for peace and a return to the worship of the Gods. His main antagonist, Lady Jana, is another squadron commander but of the Shigar party, which wants dominion over the entire world.

In the Raman Empire’s last desperate gambit to forestall total defeat, the world is forever changed with floods that destroy cities, both friend and foe alike. Risor and the other survivors of Altai decide they have had enough, of rule by Atlantis and decide to forge a new path. Atlantis, the Shigar and Lady Jana are not quite ready to let them go.

I have published Wall of Destruction and completed the outlines of part two plus two sub-plot stories. These outlined stories all culminate in the final battle of book two.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Please let me know if you would like to read the full screenplay or treatment and I will send to you immediately.

Best Regards,

James Grimm

Wall of Destruction Movie Script: Treatment

Here is the first draft of the treatment I will use to send to Hollywood.  A treatment is a summary of the script that shows the highlights of the script.  It should introduce the main characters and the underlying conflict.  So please give it a read and let me know what you think. Does it sound interesting if it was a movie?

Wall of Destruction

a When Atlantis Fell novel

by

James Grimm

Movie Treatment

July 19th, 2015

James Grimm

Email: hro_jim@yahoo.com

Kawasaki, Japan

Log Line: During the last ice age, a war between advanced civilizations, ravages the world. The survivors of a remote colony struggle to build a new life and escape the grasp of far away, war crazed Atlantis.

The film opens with a battle scene between two Atlantean forces. Atlantis has an open rebellion going on between two political parties. Flying craft shoot laser like weapons at each other while troops on the ground go at it with laser weapons, swords and bows.

ROSAN, 49, father of protagonist, noble commading presence narrates the action. I envision Russell Crowe playing this role.

FADE TO BLACK

A FEW MONTHS EARLIER

FADE IN:

RISOR, 31, a noble looking squadron commander and his beautiful younger sister, RINA, 20ish, are lounging around their home, settled along what will later be known as the Mississippi River. On the morrow, Risor will return to his squadron, stationed half way around the world. Tonight is a party for his friends, others who are returning to their duty stations as well. Rina is in love with one of Risor’s friends but believes it is a secret.

Rina, “May I join you tonight? (pausing to look at the sun going down). It is your last night and even the boring talk of war would be bearable.” Turns to him and gives her most winning smile.

“Even with boring talk of war?” Risor gently challenges. Rina nods.

With growing mirth in the charade, “Funny, you didn’t seem that interested in joining earlier this week. Could it be that Tolen will be there tonight?”

A horrified expression crosses Rina’s face before she controls her emotions. “Oh, Tolen will be there? How nice.”

Satisfied that he knew the reason, Risor relents, “I see. Shall we get ready then?”

CUT TO:

Risor and Rina attend a dinner at a local restaurant with their friends ROGAT, 33, a big mountain of a man and NIKO, 32, his exact opposite, a small weasely man. They discuss things about the war with the Rama Empire and how it is going. Then enters TOLEN, 32, a tall noble looking individual wearing the robes of his office as a master scientist. He is the object of Rina’s love and it is easily apparent as she lights up when he arrives.

Quickly Rina steers the conversation to discuss what Tolen is doing. He reveals that he is researching the ice shelf in the far north and the danger it could cause the Atlantean Empire and specifically Altai, their city. He reveals that there is large volumes of ice melt gathered in to huge lakes upon the ice shelf. That if these broke they would wipe out Atlai and could destroy the empire as it is.

After the group further questions Tolen. They find out their political opponents, the Shigar party, are lowering the priority of this in favor of prosecuting the war against Rama. The Shigar want Atlantis to be the sole power on earth.

CUT TO:

Risor returns to his base, in Atlanta Suna or Southeast Asia. At his base, Risor meets up with his squadron and vailixi (Atlantean flying machine) crew. During a mission briefing, JANA, 31, leader of another squadron and rising political star of the Shigar party addresses his squadron. She proclaims a great secret weapon will be unleashed upon the unsuspecting Rama Empire. These weapons will destroy cities or armies. Risor questions the idea because Rama also has this capability but has not used it to date.

An argument seems in the making but then Risor relents. Jana does not like his questioning her statements.

CUT TO:

Risor’s squadron is flying toward the Rama Empire’s coast from the Indian Ocean. Their orders are to attack the city of Dwarka, a major Rama city that has never been successfully breached. Other squadrons will attack other points. The hope is that, all of these attacks will allow Jana’s squadron the chance to breach the defenses of their target and deploy the weapon.

Jana’s squadron successfully deploys the weapon and even from the distance of the coast, Risor can see the massive explosion. Risor’s squadron was dog fighting with the enemy vimana (Rama flying ships) when they lose all power.

The vailixi and vimana start dropping from the sky but then power is restored. Some craft fell into the ocean below, while Risor’s and most of his squadron stablize. Seeing the distant mushroom cloud, and with his shields still not working well, Risor orders a return to base.

DISSOLVE TO:

Another day, another attack. Again from the sea and this time there are three squadrons. Risor’s squadron is one of the three. They meet a large vimana force out at sea and the first two squadrons forge on while Risor’s squadron stays and fights with this force.

DIMERA, 20ish, Risor’s beautiful communication officer, advises that the lead force is in trouble and they should join them. Risor orders his second, TILOR, 38, an older sub-commander that Risor has been with for many years, to break off the attack and head for the other force. When they arrive they see that the two squadrons were being thoroughly destroyed by the Rama force.

Risor finds out his is the senior officer left and orders a break off of the attack. They left their base with 45 vailixi and had less than 15 remaining with some of those damaged. The vailixi head back to base.

On their way back, Dimera informs Risor that she can not contact their base or the city of Vortia which was an hour away from their base. Finally they raise a merchant ship that reports that the city of Vortia has been destroyed.

Fearing the worse, Risor orders some of his force to their base and he leads the remainder to Vortia. Both Vortia and his base were destroyed with the Raman Brahmastra weapon.

CUT TO:

Risor is back in Atlantis, on trial, at a military court. He is accused by some of cowardice. It is a Shigar ploy. Luckily, Lord SUTOR, 50ish, an Anthony Hopkins as Odin type noble and ally to Risor’s family is one of the most respected of the board. That does not stop Lady TOMAR, 50ish, a Jody Foster-ish regal figure that happens to be one of the senior Shigar party members from trying to crucify Risor for his actions.

Lord Sutor blocks Lady Tomar’s attempt to crucify Risor at the trial. He deems additional investigations are required and orders Risor back home to await the courts decision. On the way out of the court, Lady Jana stops Risor and reveals that they are political enemies.

As Risor walks towards the exit, Lady Jana stands in the bleachers and he sees her. Leaning on the rail, she states, “Well, you survived again. It seems I have underestimated you.”

Risor, taken aback by the open implied threat, “I didn’t know we were enemies, Lady Jana. I will remember that, for the next time we meet.”

With an evil smile, “You would do well to remember that. For I will not underestimate you again.”

With a slight bow, Risor exits the court.

CUT TO:

Weeks later, vimana flying over the ocean towards the looming ice shelf. Rosan narrates the action.

“The Ramans knew they were losing the war and would soon not have the strength to fight back anymore. The Atlanteans had destroyed many Raman cities and Rama no longer had the industrial capacity to recover their losses. It was just a matter of time before Atlantis won.”

The vimana break up and head over the ice pack.

“This mission is a last desperate attempt to stave off total defeat.”

They continue flying over the ice on a moon lit night.

“With all three groups at different ice lakes off the northern ice pack. The last hpe of the Rama Empire plays out.”

A nuclear like explosion along the ice barrier causes the great ice walls to burst and bring forth the waters held behind it.

CUT TO:

In Altai, Risor’s home colony, the alarm breaks the night’s quiet. Risor and family are told that a large wall of water is coming down the Tia Yolan or Mississippi River and will hit Altai soon. They and all citizens evacuate to the hills around the river valley.

Risor and family make it to the safety of the hills but many do not. Risor and his father Rosan take up positions of leadership for the survivors. Other council members survive and they start to bring a semblance of order to the survivors.

Quickly they find out that Atlantis is also getting hit by a tsunami and the colonies along the inland sea in Eurasia were also hit. They believe they are going to have to go it alone for awhile.

The next day Atlantis reports that they believe it was a Rama attack that destroyed the ice walls causing the floods. They demand that Altai provide the majority of their vailixi and troops to be used in a counter strike against Rama.

Lord FORDO, tall noble in his 40s, is the commander of the garrison. Risor falls under him in the chain of command but is in charge of the remaining vailixi. The council question the order from Atlantis, worried that they will not have enough protection, nor can they help the other colonies without their vailixi. Lord Fordo confronts the council, telling them it is a military matter.

Evenutally Fordo and Risor stand off. Risor wins the argument with the relieving of Lord Fordo from command. He had his vailixi where Lord Fordo only had a hand full of troops with him.

Fordo is secretly detained as the council sends one vailixi and about 50 troops back to Atlantis. They plead they need the others for rescue missions to the other colonies.

CUT TO:

Risor and team go to the other colonies, looking for survivors. They first go to Neptius, the oldest city on the American continents and find the city is being destroyed by the raging waters. The soft land is being eaten away and the city is deserted. Risor and his chief engineer, MILO, 38, investigate some downed vailixi and find they tried to escape but failed and all aboard died.

They move on to Kanesa and the plantations around that town. Again the city was flooded with the majority of the citizens dead or missing. Here they run into a problem because the survivors want to stay and it seems they want to take the vailixi from Risor. Risor leaves before things get out of hand but comes back the next day with armored troopers and additional vailixi.

The leader of the suvivors try to force all those that wish to go with Risor to stay. Risor is forced to have his troopers fire on the local militia and then takes those that wish to leave. They leave those that want to stay to their fate.

CUT TO:

Back at Altai, Rosan talks to Atlantis and they only get 10 more days before they have to give up their vailixi. The council decides they will evacuate Altai and build their New Altai far away from the current location.

In Atlantis, the Shigar party and Lady Jana in particular is angered that the prime minister has allowed the people of Altai that much time. Lady Jana still has a desire to get Risor. Lady Tomar tells Lady Jana to wait and if need be, she will be sent after him when the time comes.

CUT TO:

The people of Altai continue their rescue efforts as they also start their evacuation plans. Risor and team head to Atlanda, a colony on the northern coast of South America, home of Tilor, their missing sub-commander.

There they find the colony deserted but find a view tablet with a message from Tilor saying they evacuated the colony to find safer ground. In their happiness to find Tilor alive, Dimera and Risor start to find an attraction that was never displayed before. The rules of the old life are fading.

They find Tilor and the other survivors along the road leading away from the coast. Risor takes the sick and elderly first but they bring all the survivors back.

CUT TO:

Back at Altai, the council discusses the evacuation. They believe they will get out of the environs of Altai on time. They learn of an attack on the citizens of Zuma, another colony by what was described as Atlantean armored trooper with Aether weapons. The council debates, was this Atlantis or a rogue colony acting on their own.

They talk to Atlantis and mention the attack. They learn that Atlantis is also fighting a rebellion from the far Asian colonies and this was probably their actions.

Risor again heads out for the last search and rescue while the council talks to Atlantis. Here he find that the local natives have killed all the survivors at the location. They burn the bodies and destroy the buildings, before returning to Altai.

CUT TO:

The next day, Risor sees off his family and the last survivors from Altai. His job is to talk to the Altantean Prime Minister and promise the vailixi and troopers will be sent in two days. Before talking to the prime minister, Dimera, expresses her love for him with a passionate embrace. .

He talks to the Prime Minister and has a decent conversation. Then he talks to Lady Tomar, who disparages Risor and tells him he will be resigned when he comes to Atlantis. Risor takes the abuse well and this makes Lady Tomar suspcious.

Lady Tomar continued to stare at the view screen. Without looking up at Lady Jana, “Commander, how many vailixi can you get in the air?”

Slightly taken aback at the request, Lady Jana responds,”I .. Can get.. three in the air today. A few more in a day or two. Why? Do you think they will do something?”

Getting out of the vailixi’s command chair, “I have a feeling that went to well. I think you should try to get as many troopers and trackers you can and go there.”

Not completely catching the deception. “Yes, my lady.” Pausing, “I will go get things moving now.” Turning to leave before Lady Tomar.

“Lady Jana, realize you are probably walking into a trap or will find they have run away.”

Lady Jana nods and smiles a feral grin.

CUT TO:

Risor and his party are a day out of Altai when they encounter an Atlantean patrol along the road. They were camping and able to hide from the patrol but realize that Atlantis has not forgotten them. Risor informs the council in New Altai of the situation. When he learns that the patrol was camped a few miles up the road and they had a vailixi there, he realizes he has an opportunity.

With the blessings of the council, Risor and his team suprise the sleeping patrol and kill all members plus damage the vailixi. They try to make it look like a strike by natives to protect New Altai as much as they can. Quickly, they leave the road and start cutting across country, on their way to New Altai.

The next day, Lady Jana is at the site of the attack and believes that it was not an attack by natives but by Risor and Altai. She informs Lady Tomar in Atlantis of her findings. Lady Tomar sends additional forces to help find the Altai rebels.

CUT TO:

The team arrives at a ford for a large river. Risor breaks up the team into three groups and has an armored group go over first, then the majority of the civilians and lastly, the remaining armored troopers with him. When the civilian team starts to ford the river, they hear the sound of a vailixi approaching.

Realizing they were caught, Risor tells the two armored groups to hide along the banks and the civilians to wave to the vailixi in an attempt to lure them in. The vailixi comes in close to get a good look at the civilians and as it turns, Risor and the troopers fire on it. The civilians were not armed with aether weapons and the vailixi was caught off guard. It crash lands a little downstream as the civilians and Risor’s group try to cross the ford.

Out issues armored troopers and the vailixi crew from the downed craft. A firefight ensues with both sides losing people. The vailixi force was quickly being destroyed when Lady Jana comes out of the vailixi. She sees Risor nearing the far bank and flies into a rage to try and kill him. Members of her force try to get her under cover to await re-enforcements as they were handily beaten by the overwhelming numbers.

In inpotent rage, Jana screams as Risor and team start fading into the woods, “The Gods curse you, Risor. I will hunt you donwn and kill you! You hear me, you can not hide. I will find you and kill you and your family. All of you!”

NEDA, Risor’s second in comand, looks at Risor, “Sir, do you know that person?”

Risor sighed, “More than I wish. That is Lady Jana of the Wind Riders. A vicious lady and apparently sent here to stop us.”

MONTAZLA, a trooper that Risor has worked with over the last few weeks, jokes, “Seems she has a special place in her heart for you.” The few members of Risor’s team near them laugh.

Moving further into the woods and away from the battle scene, Risor, stops and looks back, “You have no idea.”

CUT TO:

Further away from the battle scene at the river, the team stops to consider their options. They decide with the powered armor battery power running low, they should find a place to lay low and get rid of the armor. It adds strength to their force but their passage is hard to hide with the weight.

After twice beating the Atlanteans, the team believes the Atlanteans will send a large force into the area to discover them. To find a place to hide for a week or two would allow the enemy to get tired of searching and hopefully give up.

The team backtracks and then finds a small ravine back along the river further upstream. They settle in to a dreary camp existence. After a time, they decide the Atlanteans have given up searching for them, so they move on.

Lady Jana had not given up the search but was ordered back to Luxa. Luxa is the Atlantean city near the location of Cairo of today’s Egypt. Open civil war is near in Atlantis with the Shigar party fighting the establishment for dominance. The movie’s opening scene is depicting the final battle of the civil war, the Battle of Atlantis.

CUT TO:

Lady Jana walks into Lady Tomar’s office in Luxa. Lady Tomar is on the balcony watching all the construction in the new capital of the Empire of Atlantis. On the other banks, are the great pyramidal temple foundations being built. She goes to Lady Tomar.

Respectfully, Lady Jana asks, “My Lady, you called for me?”

“Yes Commander, you distinguished yourself in the Battle of Atlantis. We have won the war and a new Emperor sits the throne. Thanks to your bravery and leadership.”

Lady Jana bows low, “My lady is too kind. I only serve the Emperor and our party, in the ways that I can.”

“Yes, as you should.” Lady Tomar takes a drink. “But reward you, we shall. It is time to let you return to Alta and look for the rebels of Altai.”

CUT TO:

Tolen and around 20 other people are running through the woods. They are dirty and bloodied, with some stumbling along. They come to the edge of the woods and before them is a massive stoney outcrop.

A trooper comes up to the group, “Sirs, there is a tributary behind the outcrop. The only way is for us to go east.”

Lord Fordo lifts his visor, “Thank you trooper.” Turning to Tolen and ULTA, 30s, American Indian-ish, the leader of the Suda. “We can not outrun them. They have vailixi and they will soon be here.”

Tolen looks hopeful, “Shall we contact Altai via the communications ring? They might send help.”

Ulta puts a hand on Tolen, “I am sorry Tolen, but I do not believe they will risk everyone for us.”

Recognizing the truth, Tolen says in defeat, “So, we will make our stand here?”

Fordo responds, “No, the troopers and I will. You, Ulta and the others will follow the tributary.”

As those parties split up, Risor and team are on a nearby outcrop. Risor witnesses the Atlantean attack on the outcrop and surmises that there are Altai people in the outcrop. With a few voluneers, Risor goes to their assistance while the rest of his team go east.

CUT TO:

Risor and his volunteers slowly move up behind the first group of Atlanteans firing on the outcrop. The troopers have the Aether spears and they take out the 4 enemy. They gather the dead enemy spears and move west to the next group.

Lady Jana is in the lead vailixi and is becoming frustrated by the slow progress of the ground troops. She orders her vailixi to land so she can lead the fight.

As Risor’s team moves to the next group they notice a wounded enemy sitting behind a tree facing them. They discuss flanking the enemy, which will take more time and not be as efficient, when RINNI, mid-40s backwoods maverick, leader of the trappers thinks he can take out the wounded enemy with a knife throw.

Rinni smiled at Risor and says, “Hold on there suh, I think I can take out dis one.” Pulling his skinning knife out.

Montazla chimes in, “Sir, if he does, we can sneak up and take this group too. Easier than in the flank.”

Risor nods, “Okay.” Then pointing at Rinni, “Don’t miss.”

Rinni grins, “Never when betting or killing, suh.” He then slides forward, half way to the target. He gathers himself up, readies to stand, then in one fluid motion, stands and launches the knife. Before anyone knew it, the enemy was dead with a knife handle sprouting out of his forehead.

The team moves forward when ONTA, 30ish, another trooper, turns to Rinni. “Ya Ya, I owe ya.” Rinni grins as he picks up his spear and moves after the rest.

The team prepares to stand and fire at the remaining enemy when one turns and notices them. The others start to turn when the team takes them out. Apparently the enemy had time to inform others as Aether fire from their flank starts to hit near the team. Through the woods they can see armored troopers coming towards them. The team turns to in their direction and takes up defensive positions.

CUT TO:

One of the armored troopers up in the outcrop comes down to assist Risor. The trooper bounds down the outcrop as some enemy troopers come out of the woods to try and intercept him. Risor takes them out from their flank and meets up with the trooper. Lady Jana was far away but saw this and noticed it was Risor. She enters the woods and gathers troopers with her as she heads towards the firefight with Risor.

She comes up to Lord DENTAM, a 30ish, sycophant flop of hers that was directing the ground assault. “He is here!” she exclaims as she slows with a dozen troopers behind her.

“Who, my lady?” Dentam asks.

“Risor, he is here. He is on your flank.” pointing in that direction.

“We are engaging them now.”

With a wild look in her eyes, “I am going there now. This ends today!”

CUT TO:

Risor and team are firing at the enemy through the woods. Aether shots are exploding against trees. One tree near the team explodes from a shot from above. Trooper Onta goes down and as Risor goes to him, an enemy trooper lands nex to them. The enemy smacks Risor away, to slam against a tree. Onta grabs Risor’s fallen Aether spear and shoots the enemy trooper.

Lady Jana enters the fray and looks for Risor. She sees him slumped against a tree trying to get up. Enraged at his sight she heads towards him, pulling her knife as she gets closer. Around her more Aether blasts from above are coming down. Many amongst her troopers.

As Lady Jana stands gloating over Risor, there are calls for “Retreat” from amongst her troopers. Many explosions follow them as they flee away from the outcrop.

Coughing up a little blood and trying to stand, “Seems like you lose again, Lady Jana.”

Turning to watch her troopers falling back away from the fight, she spins with pure hatred in her eyes, “You bastard! Your people might have won a victory but you will not see it.”

She starts to lunge, knife first at Risor, who is in no position to defend himself, when she gets blown sideways. Risor fell and she lands next to him, her dead eyes staring at him.

Risor watches her eyes and the smoke coming from a large hole in her chest. Turning to where the shot came from, he sees an armored trooper with a leveled spear. The trooper opens her face mask and it was MARA, 30, second in command of Altai forces.

Seconds later, Dimera comes running up with Tilor behind her. She runs to Risor hugging him hard. Tilor was smiling, “Sir, glad you made it.” Turning to look at Jana’s body, “Whoa, Lady Jana. Well, that is one dead person I am happy to see.”

Risor, moving Dimera’s hair out of the way, “That makes two of us. If it wasn’t for Mara, she would have had her wish.”

CUT TO:

Back in Luxa, Lady Tomar is sitting at her desk with Lord Dentam standing in front of her. The balcony window is opened and the sight of a pyramid in the distance with a slight blue glow from it. Another pyramid is being built.

Lady Tomar sits back in her chair, “So Lady Jana is dead?”

“Yes my lady. After they left we went back and saw our dead left where they fell. Shw was shot in the chest with an Aether spear.”

“And you did not search for them?” she further queried.

Licking his lips, “No my lady, I had but the one vailixi and less than 10 troopers remaining. I thought it best to inform you of what has befallen.”

“Indeed. A wise and safe choice.”

The imperial tracker, HARDONT, stepped forward and said, “My lady, with more vailixi and troops we can go back and find them.”

Looking at Hardont, “No, not now. We need more labor to build our pyramids. We need to rebuild our vailixi force before we strike again.” Getting up and walking to the balcony. “And for that we need more power. Thus the pyramids.”

Dentam was looking puzzled, “So our troopers will help build the pyramids?”

As if looking at a worthless animal, “No brains but a will to survive.” Sighing, “Still might be useful.” Turning back to the outside view. “No, we go get slaves from our former allies.”

CUT TO:

In New Altai, Risor is in their hospital and his family comes to visit him. Dimera was already there caring for Risor. Rosan tells Risor that they learned from some prisoners, that those that attacked them were Luxans. There was a civil war and the old Emperor was overthrown. A cousin that was also a Shigar party member was crowned and Atlantis was destroyed. Luxa is now the new capital.

Risor suggests that they need to take the fight to Luxa before they have the means to build more vailixi and rebuild their force. New Altai had lost its ability to make new Aether based systems or even to generate new Aether. In time they would become no more than those that live around them while Luxa will grow strong.

The closing line, Risor looks at all, “We will need allies. Maybe even our old enemies.

FADE TO BLACK.

Wall of Destruction Movie Script: Treatment Complete

Finally finished it. The draft that is.  It is about 10 pages and now I have to go through and edit.  One step closer to getting this in front of Hollywood. Thank you to those who have supported my efforts and encouraged me to continue. Hugs!

It is amazing how difficult it is to first write a 240+ page book. Then condense that down to a 120 page movie script, with new stuff to make it more movie like.  Finally, to summarize all that in 10 pages, in a manner that hopefully excites the readers.

Once I clean that up some and go through the script again to make sure the logic flows, I will work on query letters and revisit the log line.  For those that might not have read the log line posts a while back:

Log Line: During the last ice age, a war between advanced civilizations, ravages the world. The survivors of a remote colony struggle to build a new life and escape the grasp of far away, war crazed Atlantis.

From the web: If you write a great script…

Sott Myers blog: Go Into The Story had an older article I just stumbled on. Well actually a whole set of posts titled:  30 Things About Screenwriting.     This one in particular,  “If you write a great script…” was pretty motivating.

This post was how you can make it if you have a great script. I believe he is right and am motivated to try. Since I have finished my script and now am preparing the things I will need for submission to Hollywood, it was the right post at the right time.  Motivation soaring, excitement building.

Some might ask what happens if it doesn’t get any responses? Oh well, it was worth a try. I would then write my next book and then, if it is movie worthy, try again.  I am a firm believer in, don’t try, don’t know.

Anyway, please give it a read.  Pretty good read.