Launch Pad Manuscript Competition.

So getting down to the wire for the final entry. Missed my deadline for the previous submission deadline because I was not happy with the synopsis. I feel better about this one and thought I would ask all for thoughts on how it sounds.

Some notes on the format.  First time a major character is mentioned, the name is all in caps,  JIM. Afterwards it would be normal, Jim.

Also this synopsis is to be one page only. Reluctantly, I have used exactly one page so adding more material is not possible unless I remove stuff.  I will include 48 other pages of passages from the book. The goal is to get them excited enough with the synopsis to read the rest of the submission.

The passages from the book are sequential but not a complete progression through the story. I decided to take passages that hopefully would show the action of the story.

Lastly, I do identify this as book one of a trilogy.  So hopefully that will help.

Thoughts?

 

Empires Fall Synopsis

For 30,000 years, Atlantis grew from small city to global empire. Poseidon blessed them with the secret of Aether, which powers their advanced technologies. First coming as friends and teachers, many considered them as gods. Soon they started to believe they were gods and friendship turned to lordship.

An alliance grew to stand against them, led by the Empire of Rama. The Gods of the alliance favored their followers with heroes of great might to combat the technologies of Atlantis.

For 10 years war has raged across the Ice Age world. In the last year, Atlantis turns to Aether weapons of immense destructiveness.

RISOR, a vailixi squadron commander, finds himself fighting the enemy and JANA, his political rival. Her animosity peaks as he questions the wisdom of her leading a WMD strike against the Rama Empire home cities. This led to the Rama Empire retaliating.

With cities being destroyed, Rama’s capacity for war diminishes. A last ditch effort by Rama sends, INDRAJIT, a hero of Rama, to the Arctic ice packs. His mission is to breach the ice walls, in the hope the flood waters would doom Atlantis.

Woken in the middle of the night, Risor and the citizens of Altai flee for their lives. The floods inundate the coastal areas of the world, ruining Atlantis and most of their colonies.

Atlantis demands a recall of most military forces to strike back. An act that would leave most colonies defenseless. Many colonies refuse the order and rebel. SHANDAR, another squadron commander, leads his people in open revolt against Atlantis. While Risor’s people decide to abandon their city and hide. In the end, they both realize they can not openly fight their former masters.

ROGAT, an infantry officer, takes charge of a group of survivors, abandoned by Atlantis and chased by the enemy. They are chased to a mountain stronghold, where they are trapped.

With the empire in chaos, LENA, the girlfriend of Risor’s lieutenant, has her colony attacked by Greek raiders. She is taken as a slave. After rebuffing the Greek leader many times, he gives her to a cruel ally. She is spared being raped or worse by an attacking Atlantean force.

Jana is sent to Altai and discovers that Risor’s people have fled. Her forces quickly find Risor and in the climatic battle, Risor’s people bring down her vailixi. She realizes it is him but is unable to do anything. His people escape and while Jana rages impotently, her master recalls her to Atlantis for a new operation.

WiP: Completed draft of first book of trilogy!

Finally got pass this hurdle. Completed the first book of the trilogy (First draft). Only took me a year to do. Reluctantly, I was not as productive as I would like to have been but its done.

I am rewriting the book that I published in 2014. In 2015, I wrote a screen play of the story but modified large parts of the story to work in a movie. I liked what I did so much, I decided to rewrite it, extend it and add sub-plots to it.

My goal is to write all three books, then write screen plays of them, and finally, modify the books to conform to the screen plays. If I am lucky, get Hollywood to purchase the story and book publishers to make the books.

 

Novel: When Atlantis Fell Chapter 1

Okay here is what I am thinking for chapter 1 of my revised trilogy.  Chapter 1 of book 1, pre-edit. This takes part of Wall of Destruction along with some sub-plot stories.  I am not sure I can succeed with my goal of 3 books and movie scripts by the end of the year but still trying.  At 50,000 words (about 150 pages) so far.  This is about 4,000 words.

So please check it out and drop me a comment if you can.

ATLANTIS

The men stood silently, as an air battle raged above them. All attired in various styles of armor. Swordsmen with breastplate, shield and helm. Archers, with bow, quiver and short sword. Infantry men with leather brigandine and large Aether spears.

Finally, there were the armored troopers. Men in Aether-powered armored suits that covered them head to toe. They also carried Aether spears.  All of these soldiers, chest emblazoned with a symbol of a Trident, with a fist imposed over it. The look of battle hardened veterans, they sat their awaiting the enemy. Slightly in front of the front row, stood a beautiful woman in leather brigandine. A haughty look, with her hair flowing freely in the night’s breeze. Arms crossed, she stood there staring intently down the beach.

This force stood between the waves and dunes, facing up the beach. The air battle above them raged on between the vailixi of Atlantis and Luxa. The final battle of the civil war was playing out.

The distinctive whirling noise of the vailixi gets louder. Many look up to see a pair of vailixi starting their strafing run on the closed ranks of the force. They get in a few shots before Luxan vailixi attack them and force them to peel off. Three Luxan vailixi chase the two Atlanteans over the dunes and further inland. An explosion is soon heard.

A few of the troopers are killed in the attack but the line remains intact. They stare up the beach, awaiting the enemy they know is coming.

Three Luxan vailixi race pass the formation, going up the beach and out pass the dunes. In the distance, a stream of soldiers come onto the beach from the dunes. They start to form a battle line facing the Luxans.

The Luxans stay stone faced silent while the Atlanteans complete their formation. The Atlanteans were mostly infantry men with few swordsmen or archers. There were roughly an equal number of armored troopers for each side.

The Atlanteans also had a symbol of a Trident emblazoned upon their chest. Just a Trident. They started to move down the beach towards the Luxans. A chant started to pick up to Poseidon, patron god to Atlantis.

The leader of Luxa wore a device on her arm. It started to flash and she brought it to her face. A soft glowing image appeared to talk to her. She nods her head and then turns to the line of men. A soldier steps forward with a horn and blows three blasts.

The woman and the soldier step back into the ranks as large massive shields are brought forward and dug into the ground. The formation closes as the men make themselves as small as they can behind the shields.

The Atlanteans slow their pace and look on in confusion. Their former brothers in arms now cower behind large shields. This was not an action of the rebel forces, they were used to. Separated by idealogical differences, they were still trained the same.

The Atlanteans start to increase their pace forward again. Their leaders, spurring the men on, thought to close with the enemy before whatever plan they have, can be enacted.

The Atlanteans cover half the distance, to the Luxan force when a blinding light occurs. Before the Atlanteans can react, a massive boom, then a powerful wind lifts them off their feet and throws them towards the Luxans. Cries of pain and shouts of alarm from those blinded or burned. A few are still moving. Some get to their feet, Aether spears, shields and weapons forgotten. Only the pain.

The armored troopers pick themselves up and look around confused. Most of their force has been decimated in the explosion. All know now what the Luxans were up to, they used the Hand of Ares on Atlantis.

The woman stands up a few feet behind the great shields and bellows her war cry. A great cry rises up among her men, as they rise and push pass the shields in a full out run towards the enemy. Infantry men and armored troopers fire their Aether spears while archers let forth arrows. All are racing forward to the confused and dazed Atlanteans.

Some Atlanteans realize the danger and start to fire back but most are down with Aether shots before the Luxans reach them. Scattered with many Atlanteans still struggling to get up, the Luxans roll over them like the tide rolls over the beach.

Few can defend themselves and the Luxans butcher them to a man. The woman is walking forward after her men, as they continue up the beach pass the slaughtered defenders. In the distant dark, the glow of fires caused by the Hand of Ares. While night, the outline of a large cloud rises into the darkness. The night stars of the gods have been blotted out.

Many Luxan vailixi stream forward over head. Heading to the doomed city of Atlantis. The war is over and Luxa has destroyed Atlantis. 30,000 years of Atlantis has ended in one night with the weapons of the gods.
ALTA

The sun light danced off the waters of Tia Yolan, or what is now called the Mississippi River, in such a way that Risor had a hard time listening to his sister, Rina. Peaceful, he thought. Altai is his home, a small city of around eight thousand Atlanteans and the local tribes that pay homage to the Atlanteans. Located a day’s trip from the mouth of the great river, on the landmass of Alta. This city, like many of the other colonies in Alta; has been spared the pain of war. The Raman Empire does not consider these outposts of Atlantis worthy targets.

Far away from the battlegrounds, these quiet backwaters of the empire go about their daily life with little worry of war. Closing his eyes, Risor, takes in the sounds and smells of home. He leaves the next day, to go back to his base. Back to his command, a squadron of the Atlantean aerial fighting machines, known as the vailixi.

Breathing deeply he concentrates on the sounds and smells, like he will never again smell or hear them. He smiles to himself. Thoughts of the simple life he will leave behind play over and over in his mind.

“Are you listening to me, Risor!” cried Rina. Sitting up straight on the couch and starring intently at him, with a look that dares him to give the wrong answer.

She was beautiful, even when mad. Long, black hair, emerald green eyes and milky white skin; common of the true people of Atlantis. His little sister, many years his junior, had grown up a beautiful lady of the House of Tarnor. Yes his friend, Tolen, was a lucky man. Once he figures it out, that is.

Quickly placing his drink on the table and raising his hands in defense. Risor playfully says, “Yes my dear sister, I hang on every word!”

“Ha, don’t be mean” she quips, returning to a more relaxed posture. “I know you don’t care about the stars as much as you do your silly war but they are important to me!”

“Yes, I know they are,” dropping his hands to a more conciliatory gesture, “but I never really paid attention to our teachers and thus am lost when you talk about them.”

He gets off the couch, grabs his drink and walks to the balcony rail. Turning back to Rina, “It is you and Tolen that liked the mysteries, not me.”

Joining him, quietly she asks, “You will see him tonight?” Risor nods and suppresses a smile. A servant comes in to the room and fills both of their drinks before bowing and departing. Rina contemplates her drink then looks at him.

Casually, “May I join you tonight?” Then turns to watch the sun setting. “It is your last night and even the boring talk of war would be bearable.”

Turning back to him with her most winning smile, “Besides, I can see our friends again before they also go back.”

Ah, the game is on now, Risor merrily thought. “Even boring talk of war?” he purred, as she innocently nodded. “Funny, you didn’t seem to want to join earlier this week.” Unable to hide a grin, “Could it be that Tolen will be there tonight?”

It was worth all the pain and revenge she will inflict on him for cornering her like this. The look of absolute horror that came across her face when the realization that he might have a clue to what her reasons were, was priceless. To her credit she recovered quickly, “Oh, Tolen will be there? How nice.” It was a forced performance but almost believable.

Risor decided to let her off the hook, as it would soon be time to go.
“I see. Shall we get ready then?”
——————————
The tavern was on a riverside bluff that overlooked a little island in the middle of the river. The river was very wide, at least four miles at this point, with a strong flow. On a clear day you might be able to glimpse the opposite shore, from the tavern. With evening coming, the lights of Altai could be seen up the river about a mile away. Occasionally, a vailixi would come or go, adding to the spectacular view of the night sky.

Risor and Rina joined his friends at their balcony table, to enjoy a meal, drinks and good company. Rina was actually quite excited to be there but when they arrived, she visibly deflated. Tolen was not there yet and Risor had to consciously control a laugh.

Joining them was Rogat, a tall mountain of a man standing at least a hand taller than Risor. As black as Risor and Rina’s hair was, Rogat’s skin was the same. From the colony of Atlanta Luxa, which would one day be Egypt. His family came to Altai when he was just a child. Rogat was in the army and was fighting in Atlanta Nado, or what would become known as eastern Europe, near the great inland sea of Tes Naldo.

Tes Naldo was a combination of the Black and Caspian Seas and included large parts of Siberia. During this time frame the massive ice sheets in the north blocked northern flowing rivers from flowing into the Arctic Ocean. This caused a backup of the rivers into a large sea. Over thousands of years this created a navigable sea possible from the coasts of the Black Sea to deep into Siberia near the borders of Mongolia and close to the Kamchatka Peninsula.

The other friend was Niko. Unlike Rogat, Niko was a small man with a rat like face. A gloomy look to him but ever the loyal friend to Risor. His father also worked for Risor’s father.

Once greetings were done and everyone settled, Rogat summarized the beginning of his story and then began were he left off. “So, as I was saying, wasn’t long before those archers couldn’t stand it and ran.”

Risor asked, “Did you take the hold?”

“Yeah, but our casualties were so high, we had to go back to base. Another company marched out and took over garrison duties. Those damn Dolrinas over ran them a few weeks later.” Then in a whisper. “No one survived.”

It was quiet around the table, then looking confused Rina asked, “Rogat, if you had Aether spears and power armor, how could these barbarians defeat you?”

Gently, “Not us Rina, our replacements. They were locals, loyal to us. No Aether weapons.”
Still seeing some confusion on Rina’s face, Risor offers, “Only Atlantean citizens may use our weapons. They are too powerful to trust with others.”

Niko fell back into his chair with an explosive sigh, “Too bad the Ramans do not believe that. They arm the Greeks and Hu with Aether weapons.”

Raising his cup, Risor countered, “Only in the last few years of the war.” Silence, everyone was pondering their drinks again.

Rogat turned to Rina, “Plus most infantry, like my unit, do not have power armor. Just the Home Guard and other special units.”

Risor chimed in, “Also vailixi squadrons, like mine. The armor is just very complex and expensive to make. That is why…”

Interrupting Risor, was Tolen entering the balcony. He was wearing the blue robes of his office, First Shilot of Altai. Shilots being the scientists of the Atlantean Empire. “Hello everyone, did I miss something?”

Rina brightens at Tolen’s entrance. All get up and greet, then settle down back into chairs. Tolen sits between Risor and Rina.

Risor, turns to Tolen and puts his hand on Tolen’s shoulder. “Rogat was just regaling us with one of his stories.”

Tolen performs a dramatic sigh, “Not the one about the stronghold again, is it?”

Rogat doesn’t miss a beat, he toys with his cup, looks up at Tolen and calmly speaks, “Why Tolen, you look like you could use a swim.”

Laughing and throwing his hands up in defensive gesture, “Peace Rogat, the waters are too cold at this time of year.” The rest of the group joins in the laugh.

As the laughter dies down, Rina asks, “How is your research coming along Tolen? You are up north way too much.”

Smiling at Rina, ” As you might have guessed, it is getting warmer and the ice sheets are melting. There is a large body of water, trapped on the ice sheet. It could present a danger some day, if the ice barrier fails.”

A concerned look, Niko asks, “What do you mean, Tolen?”

Everyone is concerned now and all look at Tolen. Rogat speaks first, “So this ice sheet is breaking now?”

Realizing that he alarmed everyone, Tolen raises his hands and with a calming gesture, “Not now. In time it will.”

Everyone seems relieved but Niko is not satisfied. “How much water is there in these ice lakes?”

“It is a huge connected lake. I am not sure how deep the connections go but if the barrier fails in this direction, it would send a wall of water down the Tia Yolan. That would destroy Altai.”

Shock, everyone is stunned to silence. Eventually Risor finds his voice, “Tolen, what has the council said about this?”

Tolen’s easy smile disappears as he remembers his last unsuccessful attempt to get the council to act. “The council acknowledges the problem but since we do not know when this will occur and the ice barrier is still pretty thick, they will do nothing. We can only monitor.”

Shaking her head, Rina looks around the table, “But, if all that water crashes down on Altai, our families are doomed.” Looking for confirmation from Tolen, who nods. “How can they justify this?”

Tolen toys with his cup for a second before picking it up and slamming it down in frustration. Scornfully, “Why, the Shigar party believes this is a local problem of Altai. And, since Altai is a Nalos stronghold, they don’t really care. They don’t believe this will raise the sea levels, but the evidence states it will.”

In a timid voice Rina asks, “Raise the sea levels?”

Feeling a little silly for his display, Tolen explosively sighs. Looking at everyone with a shy smile then settling his gaze onto Rina’s worried face, “Yes, Rina. That water is not accounted for in the sea levels today. When it is released, it will flow into the oceans and add to the sea level.”

To prove his point, Tolen selects a bowl, fills it with water almost to the rim and then puts his hand in the bowl. The water overflows. Everyone silently sits and watches the bowl while staff clean up the mess. Risor stands and walks to the rail. Peering out at the river.
After the staff leaves, Tolen continued. “Depending on the total volume, even Atlantis will sink.”

Niko, ever the worrier, cries out. “Atlantis will sink? The Council of Elders will not allow that.”

Rina puts her hand on Niko’s shoulder to try and comfort him as Rogat does the same on his other side. Tolen, trying to be reassuring to Niko’s fear, “We don’t know when that will happen, Niko. That is the problem. The Shigar say once the war is over they will work on it and the council listens to them.”

Risor, seeing the mood at the table disappear, decides its time to call the evening. He returns to the table, “Regardless, we can not solve the problem tonight and there is little time before we must go our separate ways again. So, a toast to our friendship.”

Raising their glasses they finish their drinks and get up to leave. Risor looks around at each of them. Rogat, heading back into the fight in Atlanta Nado. Niko accompanies his father on work of the local Altai council. Tolen with his Shilot work for Altai and Atlantis. Then Rina, his little sister, that is following Tolen into the realm of the Shilot, or maybe just after Tolen.

ATLANTIS NADO

The rain was pouring off Demetri’s helmet. With his head slightly bowed, so the water would pour down the sides rather than onto his face, he was able to have a decent view of the ravine below. He could barely see his men around him. His Companions.

Artos, his trusted second, was next to him. Peering intently into the downpour trying to discern the enemy. They were told the Atlanteans would come this way. When the scouts reported it, Demetri quickly gathered his Companions and struck out to set an ambush.

The Atlanteans were very brutally driving the inhabitants up the river valley. Demetri and his Companions were sent by his king, King Agos, to help their allies, the Tugar. With no Heroes of the Gods amongst the Tugar and few Aether weapons, the Tugar were mostly outmatched by the Atlanteans.

The signal came through the downpour, the enemy was approaching. Bows were pretty much useless but spears and Spirit Bows would do the trick. Demetri didn’t like using his Spirit Bows in such weather. They were a gift from Apollo, the Sun God, but needed their lord’s sun rays to recharge. Using them now could make them unavailable for later, when they were really needed.

Demetri could hear the Atlanteans complaining. To Artos, “Sounds like they don’t like the rain, eh?”

“I am sure they will like it a whole lot less in a few minutes.” Artos said as he turned, raising his arm as the signal to fire.

Looking back at Demetri, “My Lord?”

Demetri nodded, rose and adjusting the grip of his spear, launched it at the leader of the main body of Atlanteans. With his God-gifted strength, the spear went through the leader and into the man behind him.

Artos yelled “Now!” rose and launched his spear at another Atlantean. His spear skewered the man but did not pass through him like Demetri’s had.

Many yells of alarm and pain arose from the Atlanteans, as the surprise was complete. With the initial strike, many of the Atlanteans were down. Blasts from the Spirit Bows started to ring out with a small but growing number of Atlantean Aether spears answering.

The Atlanteans, while surprised, were professional and started to have an effect, in their response. They could not see the Greeks above them but they could return fire. All of their scouts and the lead contingent were down. The rest were starting to move back down the ravine, to get out of the death trap.

Demetri, knowing that they could be in trouble if the Atlanteans were able to get down towards the end of the ravine and organize a counter-strike, decided to close with the enemy. Pulling his Sun Sword, which started to glow, he raced down the edge of the ravine towards the enemy.

While the Atlanteans could not see the Companions unless they fired, they could see the glow from the Sun Sword racing towards them, from above. They fired at Demetri but he was able to deflect all blasts that were aimed at him.

“My Lord, no, wait for us!” Seeing that Demetri was not going to listen to him, Artos bellowed, “Companions, to our Lord!” He got up and started to race after Demetri. Those around him also did the same. Some falling, as the Atlanteans now had some targets.

Demetri, having caught up to the Atlanteans still in the ravine, jumped into their formation. As he landed on one unlucky soul, he started to whirl with his blade’s glow becoming even stronger. With speed, that was enhanced by the Gods, he was dashing between Atlanteans. Cutting them down quicker than they could bring their Aether spears to bear on him.

Atlanteans were dropping quickly, as Demetri continued his dance of death amongst them. Some of them, trying to get off shots at him, shot their comrades. He was too quick for them to get a bearing on. Those near him realized their peril and tried to get away.

Alarmed calls of “Hero” started to come from the Atlanteans. Soon they were all moving back, knowing their hope was in getting distance to concentrate large amounts of fire on the Godspawn and hope they hit him.

The Atlanteans fell back, some just giving up and running, dropping weapons in the desire to get away from him. That is when Artos and the rest of the Companions jumped down into the ravine, onto the demoralized Atlanteans.

Where before they were demoralized and frightened, now they broke in terror as the Hero and his troops were amongst them. Those that could turn and ran, others fell. The much larger Atlantean force was no more.

Decapitating his last foe, Demetri stopped to take measure of his surroundings. No Atlantean remained alive. Most of his Companions had run past him to chase down the fleeing foe. Artos, covered in gore, even in the rain, walked up to him.

“One of these days, my Lord, you will not be so lucky. King Agos will skin me alive if you die in one of these stunts.” Artos said, wiping his face of blood.

“I would think you would be more worried by my mother than our king, my friend.” Demetri said with a laugh.

“Aye, either way I would be better off taking a blast from one of the Atlantean spears.”

“Sound recall Artos, let us not get too scattered in this downpour.” Demetri said as he picked up one of the dead Atlantean’s Aether spears. “At least we have more weapons now and we can give some to the Tugar.”

ATLANTIS

It was a beautiful day, if not a sad one. Lena looked at the vailixi taking off from the aeroport. It gently rose in the air, turned south and sped off to some unknown destination. She looked at Tilor Togolan, studying his face.

A rugged but handsome looking man. Short dark hair, chiseled jaw with dark brown eyes that made her melt. She stared at him, memorizing every detail of his face. His broad shoulders and barrel chest. She reached for his hand and gently touched him.

“Lena, it is only for two months. Then I will be back. I promise.” he said in his deep but tender voice. Putting his other hand on top of hers.

“I know my love, but I always worry.” She grabbed his hand fiercely. “I never know when you will not come back.”

Taking her hand in both of his. “I will be fine. We have a good crew and Risor is a good leader.”

She looked at his smiling face. “Will we ever be together, Tilor?”

His smile turned to a frown. “I want to, but I do not know.” Sighing, he cupped her hands inside his, “I am expected to succeed my father, when his time comes.”

Feeling the loving warmth of his hands slip away with his words. With a tinge of despair, “Tilor, am I to be your mistress forever? To be cast away when you marry another noble to fulfill your duty?”

The momentary satisfaction of making him hurt, as she hurt, was immediately replaced by guilt of spending their last moments together making him suffer.

Removing her hands from his, she took his head in her hands. Looking into his eyes. There was pain there, Lena felt worse now, she knew she caused that pain. “I am sorry Tilor. I know you are trying to work something out for us, but I sometimes feel it will never work out.”

He wrapped his arms around her and with their noses touching, fiercely, “I will make you happy.” He pulled her in, lifting her slightly so she was on the balls of her feet.

Gently, she felt his lips touch hers. Then the tingle came, as it always does when he kisses her. She moved her hands further back on his head, softly digging her fingers into his scalp, while their lips pressed harder together.

One of his hands moved up her back, pressing her breasts closer to him while the other continued to balance her on the balls of her feet. She felt the heat rising in her. Desire for this man was starting to overwhelm her, as they continued to passionately kiss.

His tongue touched her lips, pushing into her mouth. A soft moan escaped, but whose it was, she was not sure. She thought only of him and wanted to go back to her apartment with him to relive their lovemaking they shared earlier that morning.

His upper hand moved to the back of her head and firmly grabbed her hair, further tilting her head back. He separated their kiss, their mouths both partially open and as she exhaled, he inhaled. Their lips gently touched as he starred into her eyes. She felt more heat welling up inside her, encompassing her whole body. Those eyes showed he wanted her and she was willing to give him everything to keep looking into his eyes.

He lowered his head to hers, touching foreheads then lowered her and took her hands in his. The passion of the moment started to drain. Looking down, he whispered, “My flight will leave soon.”

Not trusting to talk, Lena just nodded.

“My sun and moon, I will be back.” Untangling his arms from her and cupping her face in his hands, “By the Gods, we will be together.” A tear started to gather in the corner of his eye. “I love you Lena.”

Tears were starting to overwhelm her as well. She touched his tear as it started to run down his cheek. He was wiping her tears away with his fingers as well. Then he bent down and kissed each eyelid and the tears around them.

ATLANTA NADO

Rogat walks into the barracks at Chido Mendu and sees his friends. He walks to them with his bag and throws it at Noko, who was lounging on his bed. “Get off my bed, you turd.” He yells.

“Rogat, the Gods be blessed, you made it in time.” Cries Migu. “Now I don’t have to be promoted to take your place, because you decided to be late.”

General laughing around the barracks. Senior Trooper Rogat was well liked within the company, especially since he helped save those that remained from a particularly bad ambush they were in a few months ago. The unit was rebuilding and many in the barracks were not familiar to Rogat. Most being new recruits that he would have to teach to live in the war.

Noko got off his bunk. He, Teado and Migu were sitting on the next bunk smiling at Rogat. Not what Rogat wanted, as these guys never really smiled that much. Something was up and they were waiting to surprise him.

“So, what are you three cut-throats planning?” Rogat said with some trepidation.

Trooper Migu spoke up, “Dogat wants to see you. You have been blessed.” He started to smile in a most vicious way. The others smiled more, if that was possible.

Rogat didn’t like what this meant. They have been friends for the last few years in this unit and are the only survivors of the original piilo. Their company came from Altai when it was originally formed. The 3rd Alta Faltan Infantry company has a history of hard fighting and winning but also of heavy losses.

In Altantean infantry forces, each unit is a company that consists of five hundred soldiers divided into four piilo or one hundred swordman units, one seventy man archer unit and a thirty man command unit. Men and women served together, although women tended to be archers because of their generally better shooting skills.

Each piilo was divided into four sections with a Senior Trooper leading three of the sections and a Troop Leader leading the piilo. Rogat was a Senior Trooper leading the 2nd section, 3rd piilo of the 3rd Alta Faltan Infantry.

These units were led by a noble, hero or veteran warrior of many campaigns and years. Dogat was of the last group. A veteran of many years, who was elevated to the lowest level of nobility. Still not allowed a Family name, as most commoners. Nobles like Risor were high nobility and have a Family name, like Tarnor. Rogat being a commoner could aspire to being a noble like Dogat but probably after many more campaigns.

With a threatening look to his three “friends”, Rogat left the barracks to seek Dogat.
He enters Dogat’s office, comes to attention, with right fist over heart. “Senior Trooper Rogat reporting, sir.”

“At ease Rogat.” Dogat looks at him with a measuring gaze. “Rogat, how long have you served the 3rd?”

Relaxing his stance, “8 years sir.”

“And very hard fighting, even leading some.”

“Yes sir. What are you getting at sir?”

Dogat chuckles, “What you feared the most my friend, I am promoting you to Troop Leader of the 3rd piilo.” He sits back and watches Rogat.

Feeling like someone just ran a sword through his gut, Rogat chokes out, “But sir, I can’t do this? I am just a junior section leader.”

“You are the senior section leader now.” He picks up a view tablet. “While you were knee deep in the whores of your home town, Skerios was knee deep in his guts. The piilo went on a raid and was ambushed by some Greeks. Their bad luck, the fuckers had a damn Hero with them.”

Loss for words Rogat unconsciously took a seat. Dogat had an amused look.
“Yes Rogat, you are now Troop Leader of the 3rd piilo by virtue of being the senior surviving member of the piilo. Congrats.”

“I was wondering where most of the guys were. No one told me.”

“Well yes, I told them not to. I didn’t want you to come up with a good excuse not to accept the promotion. We all know how you like just being a trooper. Sorry, no more.” Putting his hand on the view tablet, he activates it. “Promotion of Rogat of Altai to Troop Leader of the 3rd piilo of the 3rd Alta Faltan. Witnessed by the Gods, promotion granted by Dogat, Commander of the 3rd Alta Faltan. May Poseidon watch over you.”

Putting down the view tablet and standing, he offers his hand to Rogat. “There all done.”

Rogat stumbles out of the headquarters to the sight of his three “friends”.

“Did he make you a noble?” chortled Migu to the laughs of the others.

“Fuck yall.” Rogat responded.
———————————————-

Rewrite of Wall of Destruction

Today was the first day in a while I could write. Just wasn’t feeling it.  I am rewriting Wall of Destruction to make it match the Wall of Destruction screenplay.  My goal is to not only incorporate the screenplay story line but also to add more about some sub-plot stories. I was initially thinking to write them as separate books but recently decided to make them part of these books.  I imagine it will still be two books, maybe three but not sure where I would break out the third book. In the end, all the sub-plots will roll up into the final battle of book two.

So here is my first draft of the opening scene of the new Wall of Destruction.  Would love comments.

Wall of Destruction, Opening Scene

The men stood silently, as an air battle raged above them. All attired in various styles of armor. Swordsmen with breastplate, shield and helm. Archers, with bow, quiver and short sword. Infantry men with leather brigandine and large Aether spears.

Finally, there were the armored troopers. Men in Aether-powered armored suits that covered them head to toe. They also carried Aether spears.

All of these soldiers, had the symbol of a Trident, with a fist imposed over it, on their chest. The look of battle hardened veterans, they sat their awaiting the enemy. Slightly in front of the front row, stood a beautiful woman in leather brigandine. A haughty look, with her hair flowing freely in the night’s breeze. Arms crossed, she stood there staring intently down the beach.

This force stood between the waves and dunes, facing up the beach. The air battle above them raged on between the vailixi of Atlantis and Luxa. The final battle of the civil war was playing out.

The distinctive whirling noise of the vailixi gets louder. Many look up to see a pair of vailixi starting their strafing run on the closed ranks of the force. They get in a few shots before Luxan vailixi attack them and force them to peel off. Three Luxan vailixi chase the two Atlanteans over the dunes and further inland. An explosion is soon heard.
A few of the troopers are killed in the attack but the line remains intact. They stare up the beach, awaiting the enemy, they know is coming.

Three Luxan vailixi race pass the formation, going up the beach and out pass the dunes. In the distance, a stream of soldiers come onto the beach from the dunes. They start to form a battle line facing the Luxans.

The Luxans stay stone faced silent while the Atlanteans complete their formation. The Atlanteans were mostly Infantry men with few swordsmen or archers. There were roughly an equal number of armored troopers for each side.

The Atlanteans also had a symbol of a Trident on their chest. Just a Trident. They started to move down the beach towards the Luxans. A chant started to pick up to Poseidon, patron god to Atlantis.

The woman of Luxa wore a device on her arm. It started to beep and she brought it to her face. A soft glowing image appeared to talk to her. She nods her head and then turns to the line of men. A soldier steps forward with a horn and blows three blasts.

The woman and the soldier step back into the ranks as large massive shields are brought forward and dug into the ground. The formation closes as the men make themselves as small as they can behind the shields.

The Atlanteans slow their pace and look on in confusion. Their former brothers in arms now cower behind large shields. This was not an action of the rebel forces they were used to. Separated by idealogical differences, they were still trained the same.

The Atlanteans start to increase their pace forward again. Their leaders, spurring the men on, thought to close with the enemy before, whatever plan they have can be enacted.

The Atlanteans cover half the distance to the Luxan force when a blinding light occurs. Before the Atlanteans can react a massive boom, then a powerful wind lifts them off their feet and throws them towards the Luxans. Cries of pain and shouts of alarm from those blinded or burned. A few are still moving. Some get to their feet, Aether spears, shields and weapons forgotten. Only the pain.

The armored troopers pick themselves up and look around confused. Most of their force has been decimated in the explosion. All know now what the Luxans were up to, they used the Hand of Ares on Atlantis.

The woman stands up a few feet behind the great shields and bellows her war cry. A great cry rises up among her men as they rise and push pass the shields in a full out run towards the enemy. Infantry men and armored troopers fire their Aether spears while archers let forth arrows. All are racing forward to the confused and dazed Atlanteans.
Some Atlanteans realize the danger and start to fire back but most are down with Aether shots before the Luxans reach them. Scattered with many Atlanteans still struggling to get up, the Luxans roll over them like the tide rolls over the beach.

Few can defend themselves and the Luxans butcher them to a man. The woman is walking forward after her men as they continue up the beach pass the slaughtered defenders. In the distant dark, the glow of fires caused by the Hand of Ares. While night, the outline of a large cloud rises into the darkness. The night stars of the gods have been blotted out.

Many Luxan vailixi stream forward over head. Heading to the doomed city of Atlantis. The war is over and Luxa has destroyed Atlantis. 30,000 years of Atlantis has ended in one night with the weapons of the gods.

From the web: The Mini Movie Method

Recently a friend gave me an idea about continuing my “When Atlantis Fell” stories while writing other stuff.  Sounds good 🙂   So sitting in front of my computer last night, I started to think what else could I do.

I will give the agent query letters process some more time to work but then I think I will also query producers/studios. Maybe next month, I will put it out to them.

Additionally, I think I will try my luck at ” Movie of the Week” TV movies. I love the Game of Thrones series and thought that might work. Since I have a two part story and some sub-plots I am interested in writing, I believe I have the material to intertwine the stories.

The Mini Movie Method, by J Gideon Sarantinos, on Gideon’s Screenwriting Tips, discusses how to break the script up into smaller 8-10 minute segments. If I read it right, the idea is to produce a self-contained scene in each segment. The key is to keep the viewer’s interest at the end of each sequence. Similar to a TV show that builds the action/anticipation, before each commercial break, to get the viewer to come back.

So I will try to make each segment a part of a different story. I have already outlined some of the subplot stories to progress through the time line of the main story. Will need to formulate the story to work in episodes.

Time to research more.

Wall of Destruction Movie Script: Contacting Hollywood

Well I did it. I have put out my query letters for Wall of Destruction to some Hollywood agents. I did a few manually, and then used Talent Mailer dot com (http://www.talentmailer.com/).  For $50 USD they offer a service to send your query letter to a list of agents they already have, approximately 400.

I checked around and it seemed no one was complaining about them. It took me approximately 4 hours of research this weekend to send out to 3 agents/agencies.  That was time reading up on the agency. I tried to see if they were interested in representing writers of my scripts genre as well as trying to find names to include on the mailings. This was based on freely available internet information.

Yes I could have paid for some of the services but then when I thought about Talent Mailer and it’s cost, I figured I would be better off using them.

So we will see what happens in the coming weeks or months.  For now, I guess i will start writing another story.

Here is a copy of the Query Letter I sent:

Dear XXXXXXXX

I would like to submit my feature length screenplay, WALL OF DESTRUCTION, for your consideration.

Genre: Epic Fantasy Adventure

Log Line: During the last ice age, a war between advanced civilizations, ravages the world. The survivors of a remote colony struggle to build a new life and escape the grasp of far away, war crazed Atlantis.

Set around 12,000 BCE, this story is told through the experiences of Lord Risor Tranor of Altai. He learns that not all of his enemies come across the battlefield. With the enemies last desperate gambit to forestall total defeat, the world is forever changed with floods that destroy cities, both friend and foe alike. Risor and the other survivors of Altai decide they have had enough of rule by Atlantis and decide to forge a new path. Atlantis is not ready to let them go.

I have published Wall of Destruction and completed the outlines of the final part and two sub-plot stories. These outlined stories all culminate in the final battle of book two.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Please let me know if you would like to read the full screenplay. I will send to you immediately.

Best Regards,

James Grimm

Wall of Destruction Movie Script: Draft of Query Letter

Hello,

I would like to ask your opinions of this as my query letter to Hollywood agents, managers and producers. Do you think it sounds interesting enough for you to ask for more information?  Please let me know.  Thank you.

Dear xxxx

I wish to submit my feature length epic adventure screenplay, Wall of Destruction, for your consideration. This screenplay is based on my novel, titled the same.

During the last ice age, a war between advanced civilizations, ravages the world. The survivors of a remote colony struggle to build a new life and escape the grasp of far away, war crazed Atlantis.

This screenplay is about the last days of the war between Atlantis and the Indian kingdom of Rama. Wall of Destruction is part one of a two part story about the downfall of the these pre-history civilizations. The downfall of Atlantis and the destruction of their world is seen through the experiences of Lord Risor Tranor of Altai.

Risor commands an Atlantean flying squadron and participates in the last battles of the war. He learns that not all of his enemies come from the Raman Empire. Risor is part of the Nalos party, which wishes for peace and a return to the worship of the Gods. His main antagonist, Lady Jana, is another squadron commander but of the Shigar party, which wants dominion over the entire world.

In the Raman Empire’s last desperate gambit to forestall total defeat, the world is forever changed with floods that destroy cities, both friend and foe alike. Risor and the other survivors of Altai decide they have had enough, of rule by Atlantis and decide to forge a new path. Atlantis, the Shigar and Lady Jana are not quite ready to let them go.

I have published Wall of Destruction and completed the outlines of part two plus two sub-plot stories. These outlined stories all culminate in the final battle of book two.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Please let me know if you would like to read the full screenplay or treatment and I will send to you immediately.

Best Regards,

James Grimm

Wall of Destruction Movie Script: Treatment Complete

Finally finished it. The draft that is.  It is about 10 pages and now I have to go through and edit.  One step closer to getting this in front of Hollywood. Thank you to those who have supported my efforts and encouraged me to continue. Hugs!

It is amazing how difficult it is to first write a 240+ page book. Then condense that down to a 120 page movie script, with new stuff to make it more movie like.  Finally, to summarize all that in 10 pages, in a manner that hopefully excites the readers.

Once I clean that up some and go through the script again to make sure the logic flows, I will work on query letters and revisit the log line.  For those that might not have read the log line posts a while back:

Log Line: During the last ice age, a war between advanced civilizations, ravages the world. The survivors of a remote colony struggle to build a new life and escape the grasp of far away, war crazed Atlantis.