Novel: When Atlantis Fell Chapter 1

Okay here is what I am thinking for chapter 1 of my revised trilogy.  Chapter 1 of book 1, pre-edit. This takes part of Wall of Destruction along with some sub-plot stories.  I am not sure I can succeed with my goal of 3 books and movie scripts by the end of the year but still trying.  At 50,000 words (about 150 pages) so far.  This is about 4,000 words.

So please check it out and drop me a comment if you can.

ATLANTIS

The men stood silently, as an air battle raged above them. All attired in various styles of armor. Swordsmen with breastplate, shield and helm. Archers, with bow, quiver and short sword. Infantry men with leather brigandine and large Aether spears.

Finally, there were the armored troopers. Men in Aether-powered armored suits that covered them head to toe. They also carried Aether spears.  All of these soldiers, chest emblazoned with a symbol of a Trident, with a fist imposed over it. The look of battle hardened veterans, they sat their awaiting the enemy. Slightly in front of the front row, stood a beautiful woman in leather brigandine. A haughty look, with her hair flowing freely in the night’s breeze. Arms crossed, she stood there staring intently down the beach.

This force stood between the waves and dunes, facing up the beach. The air battle above them raged on between the vailixi of Atlantis and Luxa. The final battle of the civil war was playing out.

The distinctive whirling noise of the vailixi gets louder. Many look up to see a pair of vailixi starting their strafing run on the closed ranks of the force. They get in a few shots before Luxan vailixi attack them and force them to peel off. Three Luxan vailixi chase the two Atlanteans over the dunes and further inland. An explosion is soon heard.

A few of the troopers are killed in the attack but the line remains intact. They stare up the beach, awaiting the enemy they know is coming.

Three Luxan vailixi race pass the formation, going up the beach and out pass the dunes. In the distance, a stream of soldiers come onto the beach from the dunes. They start to form a battle line facing the Luxans.

The Luxans stay stone faced silent while the Atlanteans complete their formation. The Atlanteans were mostly infantry men with few swordsmen or archers. There were roughly an equal number of armored troopers for each side.

The Atlanteans also had a symbol of a Trident emblazoned upon their chest. Just a Trident. They started to move down the beach towards the Luxans. A chant started to pick up to Poseidon, patron god to Atlantis.

The leader of Luxa wore a device on her arm. It started to flash and she brought it to her face. A soft glowing image appeared to talk to her. She nods her head and then turns to the line of men. A soldier steps forward with a horn and blows three blasts.

The woman and the soldier step back into the ranks as large massive shields are brought forward and dug into the ground. The formation closes as the men make themselves as small as they can behind the shields.

The Atlanteans slow their pace and look on in confusion. Their former brothers in arms now cower behind large shields. This was not an action of the rebel forces, they were used to. Separated by idealogical differences, they were still trained the same.

The Atlanteans start to increase their pace forward again. Their leaders, spurring the men on, thought to close with the enemy before whatever plan they have, can be enacted.

The Atlanteans cover half the distance, to the Luxan force when a blinding light occurs. Before the Atlanteans can react, a massive boom, then a powerful wind lifts them off their feet and throws them towards the Luxans. Cries of pain and shouts of alarm from those blinded or burned. A few are still moving. Some get to their feet, Aether spears, shields and weapons forgotten. Only the pain.

The armored troopers pick themselves up and look around confused. Most of their force has been decimated in the explosion. All know now what the Luxans were up to, they used the Hand of Ares on Atlantis.

The woman stands up a few feet behind the great shields and bellows her war cry. A great cry rises up among her men, as they rise and push pass the shields in a full out run towards the enemy. Infantry men and armored troopers fire their Aether spears while archers let forth arrows. All are racing forward to the confused and dazed Atlanteans.

Some Atlanteans realize the danger and start to fire back but most are down with Aether shots before the Luxans reach them. Scattered with many Atlanteans still struggling to get up, the Luxans roll over them like the tide rolls over the beach.

Few can defend themselves and the Luxans butcher them to a man. The woman is walking forward after her men, as they continue up the beach pass the slaughtered defenders. In the distant dark, the glow of fires caused by the Hand of Ares. While night, the outline of a large cloud rises into the darkness. The night stars of the gods have been blotted out.

Many Luxan vailixi stream forward over head. Heading to the doomed city of Atlantis. The war is over and Luxa has destroyed Atlantis. 30,000 years of Atlantis has ended in one night with the weapons of the gods.
ALTA

The sun light danced off the waters of Tia Yolan, or what is now called the Mississippi River, in such a way that Risor had a hard time listening to his sister, Rina. Peaceful, he thought. Altai is his home, a small city of around eight thousand Atlanteans and the local tribes that pay homage to the Atlanteans. Located a day’s trip from the mouth of the great river, on the landmass of Alta. This city, like many of the other colonies in Alta; has been spared the pain of war. The Raman Empire does not consider these outposts of Atlantis worthy targets.

Far away from the battlegrounds, these quiet backwaters of the empire go about their daily life with little worry of war. Closing his eyes, Risor, takes in the sounds and smells of home. He leaves the next day, to go back to his base. Back to his command, a squadron of the Atlantean aerial fighting machines, known as the vailixi.

Breathing deeply he concentrates on the sounds and smells, like he will never again smell or hear them. He smiles to himself. Thoughts of the simple life he will leave behind play over and over in his mind.

“Are you listening to me, Risor!” cried Rina. Sitting up straight on the couch and starring intently at him, with a look that dares him to give the wrong answer.

She was beautiful, even when mad. Long, black hair, emerald green eyes and milky white skin; common of the true people of Atlantis. His little sister, many years his junior, had grown up a beautiful lady of the House of Tarnor. Yes his friend, Tolen, was a lucky man. Once he figures it out, that is.

Quickly placing his drink on the table and raising his hands in defense. Risor playfully says, “Yes my dear sister, I hang on every word!”

“Ha, don’t be mean” she quips, returning to a more relaxed posture. “I know you don’t care about the stars as much as you do your silly war but they are important to me!”

“Yes, I know they are,” dropping his hands to a more conciliatory gesture, “but I never really paid attention to our teachers and thus am lost when you talk about them.”

He gets off the couch, grabs his drink and walks to the balcony rail. Turning back to Rina, “It is you and Tolen that liked the mysteries, not me.”

Joining him, quietly she asks, “You will see him tonight?” Risor nods and suppresses a smile. A servant comes in to the room and fills both of their drinks before bowing and departing. Rina contemplates her drink then looks at him.

Casually, “May I join you tonight?” Then turns to watch the sun setting. “It is your last night and even the boring talk of war would be bearable.”

Turning back to him with her most winning smile, “Besides, I can see our friends again before they also go back.”

Ah, the game is on now, Risor merrily thought. “Even boring talk of war?” he purred, as she innocently nodded. “Funny, you didn’t seem to want to join earlier this week.” Unable to hide a grin, “Could it be that Tolen will be there tonight?”

It was worth all the pain and revenge she will inflict on him for cornering her like this. The look of absolute horror that came across her face when the realization that he might have a clue to what her reasons were, was priceless. To her credit she recovered quickly, “Oh, Tolen will be there? How nice.” It was a forced performance but almost believable.

Risor decided to let her off the hook, as it would soon be time to go.
“I see. Shall we get ready then?”
——————————
The tavern was on a riverside bluff that overlooked a little island in the middle of the river. The river was very wide, at least four miles at this point, with a strong flow. On a clear day you might be able to glimpse the opposite shore, from the tavern. With evening coming, the lights of Altai could be seen up the river about a mile away. Occasionally, a vailixi would come or go, adding to the spectacular view of the night sky.

Risor and Rina joined his friends at their balcony table, to enjoy a meal, drinks and good company. Rina was actually quite excited to be there but when they arrived, she visibly deflated. Tolen was not there yet and Risor had to consciously control a laugh.

Joining them was Rogat, a tall mountain of a man standing at least a hand taller than Risor. As black as Risor and Rina’s hair was, Rogat’s skin was the same. From the colony of Atlanta Luxa, which would one day be Egypt. His family came to Altai when he was just a child. Rogat was in the army and was fighting in Atlanta Nado, or what would become known as eastern Europe, near the great inland sea of Tes Naldo.

Tes Naldo was a combination of the Black and Caspian Seas and included large parts of Siberia. During this time frame the massive ice sheets in the north blocked northern flowing rivers from flowing into the Arctic Ocean. This caused a backup of the rivers into a large sea. Over thousands of years this created a navigable sea possible from the coasts of the Black Sea to deep into Siberia near the borders of Mongolia and close to the Kamchatka Peninsula.

The other friend was Niko. Unlike Rogat, Niko was a small man with a rat like face. A gloomy look to him but ever the loyal friend to Risor. His father also worked for Risor’s father.

Once greetings were done and everyone settled, Rogat summarized the beginning of his story and then began were he left off. “So, as I was saying, wasn’t long before those archers couldn’t stand it and ran.”

Risor asked, “Did you take the hold?”

“Yeah, but our casualties were so high, we had to go back to base. Another company marched out and took over garrison duties. Those damn Dolrinas over ran them a few weeks later.” Then in a whisper. “No one survived.”

It was quiet around the table, then looking confused Rina asked, “Rogat, if you had Aether spears and power armor, how could these barbarians defeat you?”

Gently, “Not us Rina, our replacements. They were locals, loyal to us. No Aether weapons.”
Still seeing some confusion on Rina’s face, Risor offers, “Only Atlantean citizens may use our weapons. They are too powerful to trust with others.”

Niko fell back into his chair with an explosive sigh, “Too bad the Ramans do not believe that. They arm the Greeks and Hu with Aether weapons.”

Raising his cup, Risor countered, “Only in the last few years of the war.” Silence, everyone was pondering their drinks again.

Rogat turned to Rina, “Plus most infantry, like my unit, do not have power armor. Just the Home Guard and other special units.”

Risor chimed in, “Also vailixi squadrons, like mine. The armor is just very complex and expensive to make. That is why…”

Interrupting Risor, was Tolen entering the balcony. He was wearing the blue robes of his office, First Shilot of Altai. Shilots being the scientists of the Atlantean Empire. “Hello everyone, did I miss something?”

Rina brightens at Tolen’s entrance. All get up and greet, then settle down back into chairs. Tolen sits between Risor and Rina.

Risor, turns to Tolen and puts his hand on Tolen’s shoulder. “Rogat was just regaling us with one of his stories.”

Tolen performs a dramatic sigh, “Not the one about the stronghold again, is it?”

Rogat doesn’t miss a beat, he toys with his cup, looks up at Tolen and calmly speaks, “Why Tolen, you look like you could use a swim.”

Laughing and throwing his hands up in defensive gesture, “Peace Rogat, the waters are too cold at this time of year.” The rest of the group joins in the laugh.

As the laughter dies down, Rina asks, “How is your research coming along Tolen? You are up north way too much.”

Smiling at Rina, ” As you might have guessed, it is getting warmer and the ice sheets are melting. There is a large body of water, trapped on the ice sheet. It could present a danger some day, if the ice barrier fails.”

A concerned look, Niko asks, “What do you mean, Tolen?”

Everyone is concerned now and all look at Tolen. Rogat speaks first, “So this ice sheet is breaking now?”

Realizing that he alarmed everyone, Tolen raises his hands and with a calming gesture, “Not now. In time it will.”

Everyone seems relieved but Niko is not satisfied. “How much water is there in these ice lakes?”

“It is a huge connected lake. I am not sure how deep the connections go but if the barrier fails in this direction, it would send a wall of water down the Tia Yolan. That would destroy Altai.”

Shock, everyone is stunned to silence. Eventually Risor finds his voice, “Tolen, what has the council said about this?”

Tolen’s easy smile disappears as he remembers his last unsuccessful attempt to get the council to act. “The council acknowledges the problem but since we do not know when this will occur and the ice barrier is still pretty thick, they will do nothing. We can only monitor.”

Shaking her head, Rina looks around the table, “But, if all that water crashes down on Altai, our families are doomed.” Looking for confirmation from Tolen, who nods. “How can they justify this?”

Tolen toys with his cup for a second before picking it up and slamming it down in frustration. Scornfully, “Why, the Shigar party believes this is a local problem of Altai. And, since Altai is a Nalos stronghold, they don’t really care. They don’t believe this will raise the sea levels, but the evidence states it will.”

In a timid voice Rina asks, “Raise the sea levels?”

Feeling a little silly for his display, Tolen explosively sighs. Looking at everyone with a shy smile then settling his gaze onto Rina’s worried face, “Yes, Rina. That water is not accounted for in the sea levels today. When it is released, it will flow into the oceans and add to the sea level.”

To prove his point, Tolen selects a bowl, fills it with water almost to the rim and then puts his hand in the bowl. The water overflows. Everyone silently sits and watches the bowl while staff clean up the mess. Risor stands and walks to the rail. Peering out at the river.
After the staff leaves, Tolen continued. “Depending on the total volume, even Atlantis will sink.”

Niko, ever the worrier, cries out. “Atlantis will sink? The Council of Elders will not allow that.”

Rina puts her hand on Niko’s shoulder to try and comfort him as Rogat does the same on his other side. Tolen, trying to be reassuring to Niko’s fear, “We don’t know when that will happen, Niko. That is the problem. The Shigar say once the war is over they will work on it and the council listens to them.”

Risor, seeing the mood at the table disappear, decides its time to call the evening. He returns to the table, “Regardless, we can not solve the problem tonight and there is little time before we must go our separate ways again. So, a toast to our friendship.”

Raising their glasses they finish their drinks and get up to leave. Risor looks around at each of them. Rogat, heading back into the fight in Atlanta Nado. Niko accompanies his father on work of the local Altai council. Tolen with his Shilot work for Altai and Atlantis. Then Rina, his little sister, that is following Tolen into the realm of the Shilot, or maybe just after Tolen.

ATLANTIS NADO

The rain was pouring off Demetri’s helmet. With his head slightly bowed, so the water would pour down the sides rather than onto his face, he was able to have a decent view of the ravine below. He could barely see his men around him. His Companions.

Artos, his trusted second, was next to him. Peering intently into the downpour trying to discern the enemy. They were told the Atlanteans would come this way. When the scouts reported it, Demetri quickly gathered his Companions and struck out to set an ambush.

The Atlanteans were very brutally driving the inhabitants up the river valley. Demetri and his Companions were sent by his king, King Agos, to help their allies, the Tugar. With no Heroes of the Gods amongst the Tugar and few Aether weapons, the Tugar were mostly outmatched by the Atlanteans.

The signal came through the downpour, the enemy was approaching. Bows were pretty much useless but spears and Spirit Bows would do the trick. Demetri didn’t like using his Spirit Bows in such weather. They were a gift from Apollo, the Sun God, but needed their lord’s sun rays to recharge. Using them now could make them unavailable for later, when they were really needed.

Demetri could hear the Atlanteans complaining. To Artos, “Sounds like they don’t like the rain, eh?”

“I am sure they will like it a whole lot less in a few minutes.” Artos said as he turned, raising his arm as the signal to fire.

Looking back at Demetri, “My Lord?”

Demetri nodded, rose and adjusting the grip of his spear, launched it at the leader of the main body of Atlanteans. With his God-gifted strength, the spear went through the leader and into the man behind him.

Artos yelled “Now!” rose and launched his spear at another Atlantean. His spear skewered the man but did not pass through him like Demetri’s had.

Many yells of alarm and pain arose from the Atlanteans, as the surprise was complete. With the initial strike, many of the Atlanteans were down. Blasts from the Spirit Bows started to ring out with a small but growing number of Atlantean Aether spears answering.

The Atlanteans, while surprised, were professional and started to have an effect, in their response. They could not see the Greeks above them but they could return fire. All of their scouts and the lead contingent were down. The rest were starting to move back down the ravine, to get out of the death trap.

Demetri, knowing that they could be in trouble if the Atlanteans were able to get down towards the end of the ravine and organize a counter-strike, decided to close with the enemy. Pulling his Sun Sword, which started to glow, he raced down the edge of the ravine towards the enemy.

While the Atlanteans could not see the Companions unless they fired, they could see the glow from the Sun Sword racing towards them, from above. They fired at Demetri but he was able to deflect all blasts that were aimed at him.

“My Lord, no, wait for us!” Seeing that Demetri was not going to listen to him, Artos bellowed, “Companions, to our Lord!” He got up and started to race after Demetri. Those around him also did the same. Some falling, as the Atlanteans now had some targets.

Demetri, having caught up to the Atlanteans still in the ravine, jumped into their formation. As he landed on one unlucky soul, he started to whirl with his blade’s glow becoming even stronger. With speed, that was enhanced by the Gods, he was dashing between Atlanteans. Cutting them down quicker than they could bring their Aether spears to bear on him.

Atlanteans were dropping quickly, as Demetri continued his dance of death amongst them. Some of them, trying to get off shots at him, shot their comrades. He was too quick for them to get a bearing on. Those near him realized their peril and tried to get away.

Alarmed calls of “Hero” started to come from the Atlanteans. Soon they were all moving back, knowing their hope was in getting distance to concentrate large amounts of fire on the Godspawn and hope they hit him.

The Atlanteans fell back, some just giving up and running, dropping weapons in the desire to get away from him. That is when Artos and the rest of the Companions jumped down into the ravine, onto the demoralized Atlanteans.

Where before they were demoralized and frightened, now they broke in terror as the Hero and his troops were amongst them. Those that could turn and ran, others fell. The much larger Atlantean force was no more.

Decapitating his last foe, Demetri stopped to take measure of his surroundings. No Atlantean remained alive. Most of his Companions had run past him to chase down the fleeing foe. Artos, covered in gore, even in the rain, walked up to him.

“One of these days, my Lord, you will not be so lucky. King Agos will skin me alive if you die in one of these stunts.” Artos said, wiping his face of blood.

“I would think you would be more worried by my mother than our king, my friend.” Demetri said with a laugh.

“Aye, either way I would be better off taking a blast from one of the Atlantean spears.”

“Sound recall Artos, let us not get too scattered in this downpour.” Demetri said as he picked up one of the dead Atlantean’s Aether spears. “At least we have more weapons now and we can give some to the Tugar.”

ATLANTIS

It was a beautiful day, if not a sad one. Lena looked at the vailixi taking off from the aeroport. It gently rose in the air, turned south and sped off to some unknown destination. She looked at Tilor Togolan, studying his face.

A rugged but handsome looking man. Short dark hair, chiseled jaw with dark brown eyes that made her melt. She stared at him, memorizing every detail of his face. His broad shoulders and barrel chest. She reached for his hand and gently touched him.

“Lena, it is only for two months. Then I will be back. I promise.” he said in his deep but tender voice. Putting his other hand on top of hers.

“I know my love, but I always worry.” She grabbed his hand fiercely. “I never know when you will not come back.”

Taking her hand in both of his. “I will be fine. We have a good crew and Risor is a good leader.”

She looked at his smiling face. “Will we ever be together, Tilor?”

His smile turned to a frown. “I want to, but I do not know.” Sighing, he cupped her hands inside his, “I am expected to succeed my father, when his time comes.”

Feeling the loving warmth of his hands slip away with his words. With a tinge of despair, “Tilor, am I to be your mistress forever? To be cast away when you marry another noble to fulfill your duty?”

The momentary satisfaction of making him hurt, as she hurt, was immediately replaced by guilt of spending their last moments together making him suffer.

Removing her hands from his, she took his head in her hands. Looking into his eyes. There was pain there, Lena felt worse now, she knew she caused that pain. “I am sorry Tilor. I know you are trying to work something out for us, but I sometimes feel it will never work out.”

He wrapped his arms around her and with their noses touching, fiercely, “I will make you happy.” He pulled her in, lifting her slightly so she was on the balls of her feet.

Gently, she felt his lips touch hers. Then the tingle came, as it always does when he kisses her. She moved her hands further back on his head, softly digging her fingers into his scalp, while their lips pressed harder together.

One of his hands moved up her back, pressing her breasts closer to him while the other continued to balance her on the balls of her feet. She felt the heat rising in her. Desire for this man was starting to overwhelm her, as they continued to passionately kiss.

His tongue touched her lips, pushing into her mouth. A soft moan escaped, but whose it was, she was not sure. She thought only of him and wanted to go back to her apartment with him to relive their lovemaking they shared earlier that morning.

His upper hand moved to the back of her head and firmly grabbed her hair, further tilting her head back. He separated their kiss, their mouths both partially open and as she exhaled, he inhaled. Their lips gently touched as he starred into her eyes. She felt more heat welling up inside her, encompassing her whole body. Those eyes showed he wanted her and she was willing to give him everything to keep looking into his eyes.

He lowered his head to hers, touching foreheads then lowered her and took her hands in his. The passion of the moment started to drain. Looking down, he whispered, “My flight will leave soon.”

Not trusting to talk, Lena just nodded.

“My sun and moon, I will be back.” Untangling his arms from her and cupping her face in his hands, “By the Gods, we will be together.” A tear started to gather in the corner of his eye. “I love you Lena.”

Tears were starting to overwhelm her as well. She touched his tear as it started to run down his cheek. He was wiping her tears away with his fingers as well. Then he bent down and kissed each eyelid and the tears around them.

ATLANTA NADO

Rogat walks into the barracks at Chido Mendu and sees his friends. He walks to them with his bag and throws it at Noko, who was lounging on his bed. “Get off my bed, you turd.” He yells.

“Rogat, the Gods be blessed, you made it in time.” Cries Migu. “Now I don’t have to be promoted to take your place, because you decided to be late.”

General laughing around the barracks. Senior Trooper Rogat was well liked within the company, especially since he helped save those that remained from a particularly bad ambush they were in a few months ago. The unit was rebuilding and many in the barracks were not familiar to Rogat. Most being new recruits that he would have to teach to live in the war.

Noko got off his bunk. He, Teado and Migu were sitting on the next bunk smiling at Rogat. Not what Rogat wanted, as these guys never really smiled that much. Something was up and they were waiting to surprise him.

“So, what are you three cut-throats planning?” Rogat said with some trepidation.

Trooper Migu spoke up, “Dogat wants to see you. You have been blessed.” He started to smile in a most vicious way. The others smiled more, if that was possible.

Rogat didn’t like what this meant. They have been friends for the last few years in this unit and are the only survivors of the original piilo. Their company came from Altai when it was originally formed. The 3rd Alta Faltan Infantry company has a history of hard fighting and winning but also of heavy losses.

In Altantean infantry forces, each unit is a company that consists of five hundred soldiers divided into four piilo or one hundred swordman units, one seventy man archer unit and a thirty man command unit. Men and women served together, although women tended to be archers because of their generally better shooting skills.

Each piilo was divided into four sections with a Senior Trooper leading three of the sections and a Troop Leader leading the piilo. Rogat was a Senior Trooper leading the 2nd section, 3rd piilo of the 3rd Alta Faltan Infantry.

These units were led by a noble, hero or veteran warrior of many campaigns and years. Dogat was of the last group. A veteran of many years, who was elevated to the lowest level of nobility. Still not allowed a Family name, as most commoners. Nobles like Risor were high nobility and have a Family name, like Tarnor. Rogat being a commoner could aspire to being a noble like Dogat but probably after many more campaigns.

With a threatening look to his three “friends”, Rogat left the barracks to seek Dogat.
He enters Dogat’s office, comes to attention, with right fist over heart. “Senior Trooper Rogat reporting, sir.”

“At ease Rogat.” Dogat looks at him with a measuring gaze. “Rogat, how long have you served the 3rd?”

Relaxing his stance, “8 years sir.”

“And very hard fighting, even leading some.”

“Yes sir. What are you getting at sir?”

Dogat chuckles, “What you feared the most my friend, I am promoting you to Troop Leader of the 3rd piilo.” He sits back and watches Rogat.

Feeling like someone just ran a sword through his gut, Rogat chokes out, “But sir, I can’t do this? I am just a junior section leader.”

“You are the senior section leader now.” He picks up a view tablet. “While you were knee deep in the whores of your home town, Skerios was knee deep in his guts. The piilo went on a raid and was ambushed by some Greeks. Their bad luck, the fuckers had a damn Hero with them.”

Loss for words Rogat unconsciously took a seat. Dogat had an amused look.
“Yes Rogat, you are now Troop Leader of the 3rd piilo by virtue of being the senior surviving member of the piilo. Congrats.”

“I was wondering where most of the guys were. No one told me.”

“Well yes, I told them not to. I didn’t want you to come up with a good excuse not to accept the promotion. We all know how you like just being a trooper. Sorry, no more.” Putting his hand on the view tablet, he activates it. “Promotion of Rogat of Altai to Troop Leader of the 3rd piilo of the 3rd Alta Faltan. Witnessed by the Gods, promotion granted by Dogat, Commander of the 3rd Alta Faltan. May Poseidon watch over you.”

Putting down the view tablet and standing, he offers his hand to Rogat. “There all done.”

Rogat stumbles out of the headquarters to the sight of his three “friends”.

“Did he make you a noble?” chortled Migu to the laughs of the others.

“Fuck yall.” Rogat responded.
———————————————-

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Rewrite of Wall of Destruction.

Happy New Year!

With a new year comes new thoughts. I have been working on the rewrite of my novel, to reflect the screen play. I had also outlined some good sub-plots, but could not figure out how to integrate them into the story line. The problem was length.

Last night in the shower (maybe too much information?), I came up with the idea on how to break it up. Instead of a two-part story, I will make it a three-part.

In the original story line, the first novel contains the destruction of Atlantis. Briefly mentions the rebellion of Luxa. Then details the final battle between the rebels of Altai and Luxa. The second book would have covered Risor’s march to overthrow Luxa.

Now with the three part story line, I will cover the sub-plot stories as well. The first book will be rewritten to end with the rebellion of Luxa. This new first story will introduce all the characters and their different timelines. Risor’s story will still be the main theme but Jana and the others will have their stories told.

In book 2, Lady Jana’s renewed search for Risor will culminate in the battle between Altai and Luxa. The other characters will have their stories told of how they are surviving the floods and loss of civilization. Luxa will be the main enemy of most of the characters here.

Finally, in book 3, Risor will try to raise an alliance to overthrow Luxa. A new antagonist of Luxa will come to prominence and many of the characters taken, in book 2, by the forces of Luxa will come together for the final battle between Risor’s alliance and Luxa.

As I have mentioned in other posts, I will write the stories first. Then create screen plays based on the stories.  This should allow me to tighten the stories. Once I am satisfied, I will then rewrite the stories to conform to the screen plays.  When I publish the books, I will also take my shot with Hollywood.  My goal will be to finish this in 2016.

Dream big, win big!

 

 

Rewrite of Wall of Destruction

Today was the first day in a while I could write. Just wasn’t feeling it.  I am rewriting Wall of Destruction to make it match the Wall of Destruction screenplay.  My goal is to not only incorporate the screenplay story line but also to add more about some sub-plot stories. I was initially thinking to write them as separate books but recently decided to make them part of these books.  I imagine it will still be two books, maybe three but not sure where I would break out the third book. In the end, all the sub-plots will roll up into the final battle of book two.

So here is my first draft of the opening scene of the new Wall of Destruction.  Would love comments.

Wall of Destruction, Opening Scene

The men stood silently, as an air battle raged above them. All attired in various styles of armor. Swordsmen with breastplate, shield and helm. Archers, with bow, quiver and short sword. Infantry men with leather brigandine and large Aether spears.

Finally, there were the armored troopers. Men in Aether-powered armored suits that covered them head to toe. They also carried Aether spears.

All of these soldiers, had the symbol of a Trident, with a fist imposed over it, on their chest. The look of battle hardened veterans, they sat their awaiting the enemy. Slightly in front of the front row, stood a beautiful woman in leather brigandine. A haughty look, with her hair flowing freely in the night’s breeze. Arms crossed, she stood there staring intently down the beach.

This force stood between the waves and dunes, facing up the beach. The air battle above them raged on between the vailixi of Atlantis and Luxa. The final battle of the civil war was playing out.

The distinctive whirling noise of the vailixi gets louder. Many look up to see a pair of vailixi starting their strafing run on the closed ranks of the force. They get in a few shots before Luxan vailixi attack them and force them to peel off. Three Luxan vailixi chase the two Atlanteans over the dunes and further inland. An explosion is soon heard.
A few of the troopers are killed in the attack but the line remains intact. They stare up the beach, awaiting the enemy, they know is coming.

Three Luxan vailixi race pass the formation, going up the beach and out pass the dunes. In the distance, a stream of soldiers come onto the beach from the dunes. They start to form a battle line facing the Luxans.

The Luxans stay stone faced silent while the Atlanteans complete their formation. The Atlanteans were mostly Infantry men with few swordsmen or archers. There were roughly an equal number of armored troopers for each side.

The Atlanteans also had a symbol of a Trident on their chest. Just a Trident. They started to move down the beach towards the Luxans. A chant started to pick up to Poseidon, patron god to Atlantis.

The woman of Luxa wore a device on her arm. It started to beep and she brought it to her face. A soft glowing image appeared to talk to her. She nods her head and then turns to the line of men. A soldier steps forward with a horn and blows three blasts.

The woman and the soldier step back into the ranks as large massive shields are brought forward and dug into the ground. The formation closes as the men make themselves as small as they can behind the shields.

The Atlanteans slow their pace and look on in confusion. Their former brothers in arms now cower behind large shields. This was not an action of the rebel forces they were used to. Separated by idealogical differences, they were still trained the same.

The Atlanteans start to increase their pace forward again. Their leaders, spurring the men on, thought to close with the enemy before, whatever plan they have can be enacted.

The Atlanteans cover half the distance to the Luxan force when a blinding light occurs. Before the Atlanteans can react a massive boom, then a powerful wind lifts them off their feet and throws them towards the Luxans. Cries of pain and shouts of alarm from those blinded or burned. A few are still moving. Some get to their feet, Aether spears, shields and weapons forgotten. Only the pain.

The armored troopers pick themselves up and look around confused. Most of their force has been decimated in the explosion. All know now what the Luxans were up to, they used the Hand of Ares on Atlantis.

The woman stands up a few feet behind the great shields and bellows her war cry. A great cry rises up among her men as they rise and push pass the shields in a full out run towards the enemy. Infantry men and armored troopers fire their Aether spears while archers let forth arrows. All are racing forward to the confused and dazed Atlanteans.
Some Atlanteans realize the danger and start to fire back but most are down with Aether shots before the Luxans reach them. Scattered with many Atlanteans still struggling to get up, the Luxans roll over them like the tide rolls over the beach.

Few can defend themselves and the Luxans butcher them to a man. The woman is walking forward after her men as they continue up the beach pass the slaughtered defenders. In the distant dark, the glow of fires caused by the Hand of Ares. While night, the outline of a large cloud rises into the darkness. The night stars of the gods have been blotted out.

Many Luxan vailixi stream forward over head. Heading to the doomed city of Atlantis. The war is over and Luxa has destroyed Atlantis. 30,000 years of Atlantis has ended in one night with the weapons of the gods.

Wall of Destruction Movie Script: Contacting Hollywood

Well I did it. I have put out my query letters for Wall of Destruction to some Hollywood agents. I did a few manually, and then used Talent Mailer dot com (http://www.talentmailer.com/).  For $50 USD they offer a service to send your query letter to a list of agents they already have, approximately 400.

I checked around and it seemed no one was complaining about them. It took me approximately 4 hours of research this weekend to send out to 3 agents/agencies.  That was time reading up on the agency. I tried to see if they were interested in representing writers of my scripts genre as well as trying to find names to include on the mailings. This was based on freely available internet information.

Yes I could have paid for some of the services but then when I thought about Talent Mailer and it’s cost, I figured I would be better off using them.

So we will see what happens in the coming weeks or months.  For now, I guess i will start writing another story.

Here is a copy of the Query Letter I sent:

Dear XXXXXXXX

I would like to submit my feature length screenplay, WALL OF DESTRUCTION, for your consideration.

Genre: Epic Fantasy Adventure

Log Line: During the last ice age, a war between advanced civilizations, ravages the world. The survivors of a remote colony struggle to build a new life and escape the grasp of far away, war crazed Atlantis.

Set around 12,000 BCE, this story is told through the experiences of Lord Risor Tranor of Altai. He learns that not all of his enemies come across the battlefield. With the enemies last desperate gambit to forestall total defeat, the world is forever changed with floods that destroy cities, both friend and foe alike. Risor and the other survivors of Altai decide they have had enough of rule by Atlantis and decide to forge a new path. Atlantis is not ready to let them go.

I have published Wall of Destruction and completed the outlines of the final part and two sub-plot stories. These outlined stories all culminate in the final battle of book two.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Please let me know if you would like to read the full screenplay. I will send to you immediately.

Best Regards,

James Grimm

Wall of Destruction Movie Script: Draft of Query Letter

Hello,

I would like to ask your opinions of this as my query letter to Hollywood agents, managers and producers. Do you think it sounds interesting enough for you to ask for more information?  Please let me know.  Thank you.

Dear xxxx

I wish to submit my feature length epic adventure screenplay, Wall of Destruction, for your consideration. This screenplay is based on my novel, titled the same.

During the last ice age, a war between advanced civilizations, ravages the world. The survivors of a remote colony struggle to build a new life and escape the grasp of far away, war crazed Atlantis.

This screenplay is about the last days of the war between Atlantis and the Indian kingdom of Rama. Wall of Destruction is part one of a two part story about the downfall of the these pre-history civilizations. The downfall of Atlantis and the destruction of their world is seen through the experiences of Lord Risor Tranor of Altai.

Risor commands an Atlantean flying squadron and participates in the last battles of the war. He learns that not all of his enemies come from the Raman Empire. Risor is part of the Nalos party, which wishes for peace and a return to the worship of the Gods. His main antagonist, Lady Jana, is another squadron commander but of the Shigar party, which wants dominion over the entire world.

In the Raman Empire’s last desperate gambit to forestall total defeat, the world is forever changed with floods that destroy cities, both friend and foe alike. Risor and the other survivors of Altai decide they have had enough, of rule by Atlantis and decide to forge a new path. Atlantis, the Shigar and Lady Jana are not quite ready to let them go.

I have published Wall of Destruction and completed the outlines of part two plus two sub-plot stories. These outlined stories all culminate in the final battle of book two.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Please let me know if you would like to read the full screenplay or treatment and I will send to you immediately.

Best Regards,

James Grimm

Wall of Destruction Movie Script: Treatment

Here is the first draft of the treatment I will use to send to Hollywood.  A treatment is a summary of the script that shows the highlights of the script.  It should introduce the main characters and the underlying conflict.  So please give it a read and let me know what you think. Does it sound interesting if it was a movie?

Wall of Destruction

a When Atlantis Fell novel

by

James Grimm

Movie Treatment

July 19th, 2015

James Grimm

Email: hro_jim@yahoo.com

Kawasaki, Japan

Log Line: During the last ice age, a war between advanced civilizations, ravages the world. The survivors of a remote colony struggle to build a new life and escape the grasp of far away, war crazed Atlantis.

The film opens with a battle scene between two Atlantean forces. Atlantis has an open rebellion going on between two political parties. Flying craft shoot laser like weapons at each other while troops on the ground go at it with laser weapons, swords and bows.

ROSAN, 49, father of protagonist, noble commading presence narrates the action. I envision Russell Crowe playing this role.

FADE TO BLACK

A FEW MONTHS EARLIER

FADE IN:

RISOR, 31, a noble looking squadron commander and his beautiful younger sister, RINA, 20ish, are lounging around their home, settled along what will later be known as the Mississippi River. On the morrow, Risor will return to his squadron, stationed half way around the world. Tonight is a party for his friends, others who are returning to their duty stations as well. Rina is in love with one of Risor’s friends but believes it is a secret.

Rina, “May I join you tonight? (pausing to look at the sun going down). It is your last night and even the boring talk of war would be bearable.” Turns to him and gives her most winning smile.

“Even with boring talk of war?” Risor gently challenges. Rina nods.

With growing mirth in the charade, “Funny, you didn’t seem that interested in joining earlier this week. Could it be that Tolen will be there tonight?”

A horrified expression crosses Rina’s face before she controls her emotions. “Oh, Tolen will be there? How nice.”

Satisfied that he knew the reason, Risor relents, “I see. Shall we get ready then?”

CUT TO:

Risor and Rina attend a dinner at a local restaurant with their friends ROGAT, 33, a big mountain of a man and NIKO, 32, his exact opposite, a small weasely man. They discuss things about the war with the Rama Empire and how it is going. Then enters TOLEN, 32, a tall noble looking individual wearing the robes of his office as a master scientist. He is the object of Rina’s love and it is easily apparent as she lights up when he arrives.

Quickly Rina steers the conversation to discuss what Tolen is doing. He reveals that he is researching the ice shelf in the far north and the danger it could cause the Atlantean Empire and specifically Altai, their city. He reveals that there is large volumes of ice melt gathered in to huge lakes upon the ice shelf. That if these broke they would wipe out Atlai and could destroy the empire as it is.

After the group further questions Tolen. They find out their political opponents, the Shigar party, are lowering the priority of this in favor of prosecuting the war against Rama. The Shigar want Atlantis to be the sole power on earth.

CUT TO:

Risor returns to his base, in Atlanta Suna or Southeast Asia. At his base, Risor meets up with his squadron and vailixi (Atlantean flying machine) crew. During a mission briefing, JANA, 31, leader of another squadron and rising political star of the Shigar party addresses his squadron. She proclaims a great secret weapon will be unleashed upon the unsuspecting Rama Empire. These weapons will destroy cities or armies. Risor questions the idea because Rama also has this capability but has not used it to date.

An argument seems in the making but then Risor relents. Jana does not like his questioning her statements.

CUT TO:

Risor’s squadron is flying toward the Rama Empire’s coast from the Indian Ocean. Their orders are to attack the city of Dwarka, a major Rama city that has never been successfully breached. Other squadrons will attack other points. The hope is that, all of these attacks will allow Jana’s squadron the chance to breach the defenses of their target and deploy the weapon.

Jana’s squadron successfully deploys the weapon and even from the distance of the coast, Risor can see the massive explosion. Risor’s squadron was dog fighting with the enemy vimana (Rama flying ships) when they lose all power.

The vailixi and vimana start dropping from the sky but then power is restored. Some craft fell into the ocean below, while Risor’s and most of his squadron stablize. Seeing the distant mushroom cloud, and with his shields still not working well, Risor orders a return to base.

DISSOLVE TO:

Another day, another attack. Again from the sea and this time there are three squadrons. Risor’s squadron is one of the three. They meet a large vimana force out at sea and the first two squadrons forge on while Risor’s squadron stays and fights with this force.

DIMERA, 20ish, Risor’s beautiful communication officer, advises that the lead force is in trouble and they should join them. Risor orders his second, TILOR, 38, an older sub-commander that Risor has been with for many years, to break off the attack and head for the other force. When they arrive they see that the two squadrons were being thoroughly destroyed by the Rama force.

Risor finds out his is the senior officer left and orders a break off of the attack. They left their base with 45 vailixi and had less than 15 remaining with some of those damaged. The vailixi head back to base.

On their way back, Dimera informs Risor that she can not contact their base or the city of Vortia which was an hour away from their base. Finally they raise a merchant ship that reports that the city of Vortia has been destroyed.

Fearing the worse, Risor orders some of his force to their base and he leads the remainder to Vortia. Both Vortia and his base were destroyed with the Raman Brahmastra weapon.

CUT TO:

Risor is back in Atlantis, on trial, at a military court. He is accused by some of cowardice. It is a Shigar ploy. Luckily, Lord SUTOR, 50ish, an Anthony Hopkins as Odin type noble and ally to Risor’s family is one of the most respected of the board. That does not stop Lady TOMAR, 50ish, a Jody Foster-ish regal figure that happens to be one of the senior Shigar party members from trying to crucify Risor for his actions.

Lord Sutor blocks Lady Tomar’s attempt to crucify Risor at the trial. He deems additional investigations are required and orders Risor back home to await the courts decision. On the way out of the court, Lady Jana stops Risor and reveals that they are political enemies.

As Risor walks towards the exit, Lady Jana stands in the bleachers and he sees her. Leaning on the rail, she states, “Well, you survived again. It seems I have underestimated you.”

Risor, taken aback by the open implied threat, “I didn’t know we were enemies, Lady Jana. I will remember that, for the next time we meet.”

With an evil smile, “You would do well to remember that. For I will not underestimate you again.”

With a slight bow, Risor exits the court.

CUT TO:

Weeks later, vimana flying over the ocean towards the looming ice shelf. Rosan narrates the action.

“The Ramans knew they were losing the war and would soon not have the strength to fight back anymore. The Atlanteans had destroyed many Raman cities and Rama no longer had the industrial capacity to recover their losses. It was just a matter of time before Atlantis won.”

The vimana break up and head over the ice pack.

“This mission is a last desperate attempt to stave off total defeat.”

They continue flying over the ice on a moon lit night.

“With all three groups at different ice lakes off the northern ice pack. The last hpe of the Rama Empire plays out.”

A nuclear like explosion along the ice barrier causes the great ice walls to burst and bring forth the waters held behind it.

CUT TO:

In Altai, Risor’s home colony, the alarm breaks the night’s quiet. Risor and family are told that a large wall of water is coming down the Tia Yolan or Mississippi River and will hit Altai soon. They and all citizens evacuate to the hills around the river valley.

Risor and family make it to the safety of the hills but many do not. Risor and his father Rosan take up positions of leadership for the survivors. Other council members survive and they start to bring a semblance of order to the survivors.

Quickly they find out that Atlantis is also getting hit by a tsunami and the colonies along the inland sea in Eurasia were also hit. They believe they are going to have to go it alone for awhile.

The next day Atlantis reports that they believe it was a Rama attack that destroyed the ice walls causing the floods. They demand that Altai provide the majority of their vailixi and troops to be used in a counter strike against Rama.

Lord FORDO, tall noble in his 40s, is the commander of the garrison. Risor falls under him in the chain of command but is in charge of the remaining vailixi. The council question the order from Atlantis, worried that they will not have enough protection, nor can they help the other colonies without their vailixi. Lord Fordo confronts the council, telling them it is a military matter.

Evenutally Fordo and Risor stand off. Risor wins the argument with the relieving of Lord Fordo from command. He had his vailixi where Lord Fordo only had a hand full of troops with him.

Fordo is secretly detained as the council sends one vailixi and about 50 troops back to Atlantis. They plead they need the others for rescue missions to the other colonies.

CUT TO:

Risor and team go to the other colonies, looking for survivors. They first go to Neptius, the oldest city on the American continents and find the city is being destroyed by the raging waters. The soft land is being eaten away and the city is deserted. Risor and his chief engineer, MILO, 38, investigate some downed vailixi and find they tried to escape but failed and all aboard died.

They move on to Kanesa and the plantations around that town. Again the city was flooded with the majority of the citizens dead or missing. Here they run into a problem because the survivors want to stay and it seems they want to take the vailixi from Risor. Risor leaves before things get out of hand but comes back the next day with armored troopers and additional vailixi.

The leader of the suvivors try to force all those that wish to go with Risor to stay. Risor is forced to have his troopers fire on the local militia and then takes those that wish to leave. They leave those that want to stay to their fate.

CUT TO:

Back at Altai, Rosan talks to Atlantis and they only get 10 more days before they have to give up their vailixi. The council decides they will evacuate Altai and build their New Altai far away from the current location.

In Atlantis, the Shigar party and Lady Jana in particular is angered that the prime minister has allowed the people of Altai that much time. Lady Jana still has a desire to get Risor. Lady Tomar tells Lady Jana to wait and if need be, she will be sent after him when the time comes.

CUT TO:

The people of Altai continue their rescue efforts as they also start their evacuation plans. Risor and team head to Atlanda, a colony on the northern coast of South America, home of Tilor, their missing sub-commander.

There they find the colony deserted but find a view tablet with a message from Tilor saying they evacuated the colony to find safer ground. In their happiness to find Tilor alive, Dimera and Risor start to find an attraction that was never displayed before. The rules of the old life are fading.

They find Tilor and the other survivors along the road leading away from the coast. Risor takes the sick and elderly first but they bring all the survivors back.

CUT TO:

Back at Altai, the council discusses the evacuation. They believe they will get out of the environs of Altai on time. They learn of an attack on the citizens of Zuma, another colony by what was described as Atlantean armored trooper with Aether weapons. The council debates, was this Atlantis or a rogue colony acting on their own.

They talk to Atlantis and mention the attack. They learn that Atlantis is also fighting a rebellion from the far Asian colonies and this was probably their actions.

Risor again heads out for the last search and rescue while the council talks to Atlantis. Here he find that the local natives have killed all the survivors at the location. They burn the bodies and destroy the buildings, before returning to Altai.

CUT TO:

The next day, Risor sees off his family and the last survivors from Altai. His job is to talk to the Altantean Prime Minister and promise the vailixi and troopers will be sent in two days. Before talking to the prime minister, Dimera, expresses her love for him with a passionate embrace. .

He talks to the Prime Minister and has a decent conversation. Then he talks to Lady Tomar, who disparages Risor and tells him he will be resigned when he comes to Atlantis. Risor takes the abuse well and this makes Lady Tomar suspcious.

Lady Tomar continued to stare at the view screen. Without looking up at Lady Jana, “Commander, how many vailixi can you get in the air?”

Slightly taken aback at the request, Lady Jana responds,”I .. Can get.. three in the air today. A few more in a day or two. Why? Do you think they will do something?”

Getting out of the vailixi’s command chair, “I have a feeling that went to well. I think you should try to get as many troopers and trackers you can and go there.”

Not completely catching the deception. “Yes, my lady.” Pausing, “I will go get things moving now.” Turning to leave before Lady Tomar.

“Lady Jana, realize you are probably walking into a trap or will find they have run away.”

Lady Jana nods and smiles a feral grin.

CUT TO:

Risor and his party are a day out of Altai when they encounter an Atlantean patrol along the road. They were camping and able to hide from the patrol but realize that Atlantis has not forgotten them. Risor informs the council in New Altai of the situation. When he learns that the patrol was camped a few miles up the road and they had a vailixi there, he realizes he has an opportunity.

With the blessings of the council, Risor and his team suprise the sleeping patrol and kill all members plus damage the vailixi. They try to make it look like a strike by natives to protect New Altai as much as they can. Quickly, they leave the road and start cutting across country, on their way to New Altai.

The next day, Lady Jana is at the site of the attack and believes that it was not an attack by natives but by Risor and Altai. She informs Lady Tomar in Atlantis of her findings. Lady Tomar sends additional forces to help find the Altai rebels.

CUT TO:

The team arrives at a ford for a large river. Risor breaks up the team into three groups and has an armored group go over first, then the majority of the civilians and lastly, the remaining armored troopers with him. When the civilian team starts to ford the river, they hear the sound of a vailixi approaching.

Realizing they were caught, Risor tells the two armored groups to hide along the banks and the civilians to wave to the vailixi in an attempt to lure them in. The vailixi comes in close to get a good look at the civilians and as it turns, Risor and the troopers fire on it. The civilians were not armed with aether weapons and the vailixi was caught off guard. It crash lands a little downstream as the civilians and Risor’s group try to cross the ford.

Out issues armored troopers and the vailixi crew from the downed craft. A firefight ensues with both sides losing people. The vailixi force was quickly being destroyed when Lady Jana comes out of the vailixi. She sees Risor nearing the far bank and flies into a rage to try and kill him. Members of her force try to get her under cover to await re-enforcements as they were handily beaten by the overwhelming numbers.

In inpotent rage, Jana screams as Risor and team start fading into the woods, “The Gods curse you, Risor. I will hunt you donwn and kill you! You hear me, you can not hide. I will find you and kill you and your family. All of you!”

NEDA, Risor’s second in comand, looks at Risor, “Sir, do you know that person?”

Risor sighed, “More than I wish. That is Lady Jana of the Wind Riders. A vicious lady and apparently sent here to stop us.”

MONTAZLA, a trooper that Risor has worked with over the last few weeks, jokes, “Seems she has a special place in her heart for you.” The few members of Risor’s team near them laugh.

Moving further into the woods and away from the battle scene, Risor, stops and looks back, “You have no idea.”

CUT TO:

Further away from the battle scene at the river, the team stops to consider their options. They decide with the powered armor battery power running low, they should find a place to lay low and get rid of the armor. It adds strength to their force but their passage is hard to hide with the weight.

After twice beating the Atlanteans, the team believes the Atlanteans will send a large force into the area to discover them. To find a place to hide for a week or two would allow the enemy to get tired of searching and hopefully give up.

The team backtracks and then finds a small ravine back along the river further upstream. They settle in to a dreary camp existence. After a time, they decide the Atlanteans have given up searching for them, so they move on.

Lady Jana had not given up the search but was ordered back to Luxa. Luxa is the Atlantean city near the location of Cairo of today’s Egypt. Open civil war is near in Atlantis with the Shigar party fighting the establishment for dominance. The movie’s opening scene is depicting the final battle of the civil war, the Battle of Atlantis.

CUT TO:

Lady Jana walks into Lady Tomar’s office in Luxa. Lady Tomar is on the balcony watching all the construction in the new capital of the Empire of Atlantis. On the other banks, are the great pyramidal temple foundations being built. She goes to Lady Tomar.

Respectfully, Lady Jana asks, “My Lady, you called for me?”

“Yes Commander, you distinguished yourself in the Battle of Atlantis. We have won the war and a new Emperor sits the throne. Thanks to your bravery and leadership.”

Lady Jana bows low, “My lady is too kind. I only serve the Emperor and our party, in the ways that I can.”

“Yes, as you should.” Lady Tomar takes a drink. “But reward you, we shall. It is time to let you return to Alta and look for the rebels of Altai.”

CUT TO:

Tolen and around 20 other people are running through the woods. They are dirty and bloodied, with some stumbling along. They come to the edge of the woods and before them is a massive stoney outcrop.

A trooper comes up to the group, “Sirs, there is a tributary behind the outcrop. The only way is for us to go east.”

Lord Fordo lifts his visor, “Thank you trooper.” Turning to Tolen and ULTA, 30s, American Indian-ish, the leader of the Suda. “We can not outrun them. They have vailixi and they will soon be here.”

Tolen looks hopeful, “Shall we contact Altai via the communications ring? They might send help.”

Ulta puts a hand on Tolen, “I am sorry Tolen, but I do not believe they will risk everyone for us.”

Recognizing the truth, Tolen says in defeat, “So, we will make our stand here?”

Fordo responds, “No, the troopers and I will. You, Ulta and the others will follow the tributary.”

As those parties split up, Risor and team are on a nearby outcrop. Risor witnesses the Atlantean attack on the outcrop and surmises that there are Altai people in the outcrop. With a few voluneers, Risor goes to their assistance while the rest of his team go east.

CUT TO:

Risor and his volunteers slowly move up behind the first group of Atlanteans firing on the outcrop. The troopers have the Aether spears and they take out the 4 enemy. They gather the dead enemy spears and move west to the next group.

Lady Jana is in the lead vailixi and is becoming frustrated by the slow progress of the ground troops. She orders her vailixi to land so she can lead the fight.

As Risor’s team moves to the next group they notice a wounded enemy sitting behind a tree facing them. They discuss flanking the enemy, which will take more time and not be as efficient, when RINNI, mid-40s backwoods maverick, leader of the trappers thinks he can take out the wounded enemy with a knife throw.

Rinni smiled at Risor and says, “Hold on there suh, I think I can take out dis one.” Pulling his skinning knife out.

Montazla chimes in, “Sir, if he does, we can sneak up and take this group too. Easier than in the flank.”

Risor nods, “Okay.” Then pointing at Rinni, “Don’t miss.”

Rinni grins, “Never when betting or killing, suh.” He then slides forward, half way to the target. He gathers himself up, readies to stand, then in one fluid motion, stands and launches the knife. Before anyone knew it, the enemy was dead with a knife handle sprouting out of his forehead.

The team moves forward when ONTA, 30ish, another trooper, turns to Rinni. “Ya Ya, I owe ya.” Rinni grins as he picks up his spear and moves after the rest.

The team prepares to stand and fire at the remaining enemy when one turns and notices them. The others start to turn when the team takes them out. Apparently the enemy had time to inform others as Aether fire from their flank starts to hit near the team. Through the woods they can see armored troopers coming towards them. The team turns to in their direction and takes up defensive positions.

CUT TO:

One of the armored troopers up in the outcrop comes down to assist Risor. The trooper bounds down the outcrop as some enemy troopers come out of the woods to try and intercept him. Risor takes them out from their flank and meets up with the trooper. Lady Jana was far away but saw this and noticed it was Risor. She enters the woods and gathers troopers with her as she heads towards the firefight with Risor.

She comes up to Lord DENTAM, a 30ish, sycophant flop of hers that was directing the ground assault. “He is here!” she exclaims as she slows with a dozen troopers behind her.

“Who, my lady?” Dentam asks.

“Risor, he is here. He is on your flank.” pointing in that direction.

“We are engaging them now.”

With a wild look in her eyes, “I am going there now. This ends today!”

CUT TO:

Risor and team are firing at the enemy through the woods. Aether shots are exploding against trees. One tree near the team explodes from a shot from above. Trooper Onta goes down and as Risor goes to him, an enemy trooper lands nex to them. The enemy smacks Risor away, to slam against a tree. Onta grabs Risor’s fallen Aether spear and shoots the enemy trooper.

Lady Jana enters the fray and looks for Risor. She sees him slumped against a tree trying to get up. Enraged at his sight she heads towards him, pulling her knife as she gets closer. Around her more Aether blasts from above are coming down. Many amongst her troopers.

As Lady Jana stands gloating over Risor, there are calls for “Retreat” from amongst her troopers. Many explosions follow them as they flee away from the outcrop.

Coughing up a little blood and trying to stand, “Seems like you lose again, Lady Jana.”

Turning to watch her troopers falling back away from the fight, she spins with pure hatred in her eyes, “You bastard! Your people might have won a victory but you will not see it.”

She starts to lunge, knife first at Risor, who is in no position to defend himself, when she gets blown sideways. Risor fell and she lands next to him, her dead eyes staring at him.

Risor watches her eyes and the smoke coming from a large hole in her chest. Turning to where the shot came from, he sees an armored trooper with a leveled spear. The trooper opens her face mask and it was MARA, 30, second in command of Altai forces.

Seconds later, Dimera comes running up with Tilor behind her. She runs to Risor hugging him hard. Tilor was smiling, “Sir, glad you made it.” Turning to look at Jana’s body, “Whoa, Lady Jana. Well, that is one dead person I am happy to see.”

Risor, moving Dimera’s hair out of the way, “That makes two of us. If it wasn’t for Mara, she would have had her wish.”

CUT TO:

Back in Luxa, Lady Tomar is sitting at her desk with Lord Dentam standing in front of her. The balcony window is opened and the sight of a pyramid in the distance with a slight blue glow from it. Another pyramid is being built.

Lady Tomar sits back in her chair, “So Lady Jana is dead?”

“Yes my lady. After they left we went back and saw our dead left where they fell. Shw was shot in the chest with an Aether spear.”

“And you did not search for them?” she further queried.

Licking his lips, “No my lady, I had but the one vailixi and less than 10 troopers remaining. I thought it best to inform you of what has befallen.”

“Indeed. A wise and safe choice.”

The imperial tracker, HARDONT, stepped forward and said, “My lady, with more vailixi and troops we can go back and find them.”

Looking at Hardont, “No, not now. We need more labor to build our pyramids. We need to rebuild our vailixi force before we strike again.” Getting up and walking to the balcony. “And for that we need more power. Thus the pyramids.”

Dentam was looking puzzled, “So our troopers will help build the pyramids?”

As if looking at a worthless animal, “No brains but a will to survive.” Sighing, “Still might be useful.” Turning back to the outside view. “No, we go get slaves from our former allies.”

CUT TO:

In New Altai, Risor is in their hospital and his family comes to visit him. Dimera was already there caring for Risor. Rosan tells Risor that they learned from some prisoners, that those that attacked them were Luxans. There was a civil war and the old Emperor was overthrown. A cousin that was also a Shigar party member was crowned and Atlantis was destroyed. Luxa is now the new capital.

Risor suggests that they need to take the fight to Luxa before they have the means to build more vailixi and rebuild their force. New Altai had lost its ability to make new Aether based systems or even to generate new Aether. In time they would become no more than those that live around them while Luxa will grow strong.

The closing line, Risor looks at all, “We will need allies. Maybe even our old enemies.

FADE TO BLACK.

Wall of Destruction Movie Script: Treatment Complete

Finally finished it. The draft that is.  It is about 10 pages and now I have to go through and edit.  One step closer to getting this in front of Hollywood. Thank you to those who have supported my efforts and encouraged me to continue. Hugs!

It is amazing how difficult it is to first write a 240+ page book. Then condense that down to a 120 page movie script, with new stuff to make it more movie like.  Finally, to summarize all that in 10 pages, in a manner that hopefully excites the readers.

Once I clean that up some and go through the script again to make sure the logic flows, I will work on query letters and revisit the log line.  For those that might not have read the log line posts a while back:

Log Line: During the last ice age, a war between advanced civilizations, ravages the world. The survivors of a remote colony struggle to build a new life and escape the grasp of far away, war crazed Atlantis.

Wall of Destruction Movie Script Update: Finally!

Finally, I have edited the script so it is below 120 pages. Grant it, it is only at 119 but its below. I am pretty happy about this. Now I can start working the submission package stuff.  One step closer to seeing what happens.

Wall of Destruction: Movie Script First Draft Complete!

Its almost 1 am Sunday and I just finished the script. Well, the first draft. It’s 148 pages long and I need to get it down to less than 120 pages. Probably need to delete some scenes, clean up some dialogue and clean up the ACTION descriptions. haha Pretty much, I will have to re-write it again 🙂

Everyone have a wonderful day..

Wall of Destruction: Movie Scene

As I rewrite the book into a movie script, I have further developed Lady Jana into my antagonist. In the book she had a small but significant part. Now she has more of a role. I am trying to project her as a cold-hearted person that has it out for Risor and his fellow survivors of Altai.  Here is one of the scenes where she will not stop in her desire to find them.

INT. – LUXA PRISON – DAY

Lord Dentam leads Lady Jana into the prison’s torture room where Moza is strapped to a table with two guards and two interrogators in the room. One of Moza’s eyes is bruised shut and he has burn marks over his chest.

JANA
Dentam, why have you brought me here? You know we are planning the attack on Atlantis and I need to be there.

DENTAM
My lady, this is the flyer that brought the last group from Altai.  He is a loyalist and we caught him
trying to escape, with his family and other loyalist scum. He might know where Altai went?

Lady Jana perks up, walks to the table and grabs a handful of hair of Moza.

JANA
Where did they go, scum. Tell us and you can die quickly.

MOZA
Fuck you, traiterous bitch. All of you, you rebel against your
rightful Emperor. I would not….

JANA
(Smashing his head back on the table)
Let’s try this again. (turning to a INTERROGATOR) Is his family still
alive?

INTERROGATOR
Yes my lady. We figured they could be good for the slave camps.

JANA
(pulling Moza’s head up)
As I was saying. Tell me where they went and your family will go to slave camps. Don’t and they will be tortured here in front of you. (Turning to the interrogator) Is his wife pretty?

INTERROGATOR
(confused)
Ah, yes my lady, she is a good looking woman.

JANA
(turning back to Moza)
Maybe your wife can provide some entertainment before she dies.
Would you like to see that? (guards and interrogators grin to each other)

MOZA
(moaning)
No, please. I do not know where they went. Please do not harm my
family, I beg of you.

DENTAM
(looking uncomfortable)
My lady, he reported they were still at the camp site near Altai
when we left.

JANA
(looking disgusted at Dentam)
Don’t have the stomach for this Dentam, then you can leave. (turning to the guards) Bring his
wife.

MOZA
(screaming in anguish)
NO!!!!!!!!

Lord Dentam looks sick, Moza tries to struggle. The camera follows the guards out the door.

————–End

Which movie star would you think could play Lady Jana?????